Tuesday, May 20, 2008

His Way is Perfect

I have started this entry time and time again only to find it was too hard to write clearly or I got interrupted by my kiddos or any other excuse...and I must admit I am secretly hoping Andrew and Rebecca wake up soon and I am just not able to finish. I have spent the last several months saying yes to the Lord with my kids. I have had to say over and over again, yes Lord I trust you. I have dealt with anger, and loss of control, and submission so much. I have had to come to terms with areas of my life where I was not trusting God to answer my prayers and provide for every need for my kids. It has been hard for me to be confronted with this. It has hurt to say I trust myself and other things more than God, especially with my kids. This whole process has brought about a time of brokenness and a new experience of humility. I have been loved enough to see my sin, so that I can turn from and walk more closely with my Lord.

The entire process started with the decision about Aidan's school for the Fall. Aidan has gone to K4 at Grace Community School this year and we planned to send him to Kindergarten there also. We have loved this school. It has been so neat to see Aidan encouraged spiritually and directed towards the Lord. We have been truly blessed by this school. However, there was one night when my husband and I were talking and I said do you really think we are being the best stewards of our money by sending our kids to school here. Please hear me say we love Grace and I truly believe it is worth every single penny. I think that the education and the spiritual nourishment you receive are priceless, so I would encourage anyone who can afford it to enroll their kids.

But we have felt the Lord pressing on our hearts in new ways. We feel like He has asked us to get out from under our student loans and any other debt so that we are free to say yes to Him, if and when He gives us clear direction. We want to be able to go and serve and do what He asks of us and so we know we cannot live completely freely while we owe to others. This is how are conversation began, but very quickly I realized a need to pray fervently for who his teacher was going to be and who his friends would be and how he would come to understand his faith in a place where it was never talked about. I knew that I would have to be even more intentional as his mother to teach him about the bible and what it says. I was overwhelmed and fearful and I realized that I was not fully trusting the Lord but resting in Grace Community School in many ways. I remember telling Trace that I have prayed almost daily since Aidan was born that he would come to know Jesus Christ in a very real I really trust the Lord to answer that prayer or do I depend more on my self and his school to make sure this happens. I mean, He is the Lord of the Universe. Is He not capable of reaching a kid in public school? Can I not just trust in the Lord? I do believe that I have to do my part as Aidan's mother, but I also have to pray and expect the Lord to answer.

All of these things came together in a powerful way for us and we knew that if we were to walk in obedience then the right choice for our family was to send Aidan to public school. I have no doubt that this is where the Lord wants us. I truly believe that we were shown something great at Grace Community School, but we have been asked to walk away from that for something better (which is the Lord and obedience to Him). I do not doubt He has plans for us and they will be made perfectly clear over the days, months, and years to come. I know that I have already spent more time in prayer for Aidan's school next year than I did for the past year.

Today was Aidan's last day of school and I have been a little emotional. I am completely at peace with our decision but I grieve some of the great things that I will miss by not being at Grace. I will miss that he will not be memorizing scripture at school, and that he will not be prayed with by his teacher at school. I grieve that when he experiences discipline the Lords word will not be brought up as a basis for the discipline and that his character will not be focused on from a scriptural point of view. I grieve that his teacher will not be able to direct his little heart to the Lord on a daily basis, but I accept that this is my role as his parent and Trace and I will have to work hard to instill these values and to truly live this out in front of our kids.

Aidan's class handmade desert plates for their wonderful teacher. Today was her last day ever, as she plans to retire. They presented the plates to her as a gift from the class. They all had a favorite scripture on the plates and their hand prints. She cried, I cried. We talked privately about our decision and I cried. She encouraged me greatly and reminded me that the Lord was in control. She has spoken so well of my Aidan all year. Last Thursday I picked him up and she hugged my neck and told me how special he has been to her through a tearful voice. She has been a gift. Grace school has been a gift. Today she said to me that Aidan has a great foundation laid and that he will be fine and the Lord will take care of him. I trust that!! As I drove away today the scripture that Aidan chose for his plate came to me. It said As for God, His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30). What comfort I find in that. I trust that this is the journey the Lord has for our family. It is not the right journey for all families, but since it is our journey (and what we believe to be His way) I will trust that it is perfect.

The whole class and Mrs. Petty

Mrs. Petty and Aidan

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