Caught Red Handed...

Or should I say brownie handed. Yesterday Aidan, myself, and the little girl who lives across the street made brownies. I set them on the counter to cool and after they cooled for a bit I gave all the kids a little piece. Andrew ate his and then begged for more. I said no, stood my ground, and watched the fit that took place. After a brief timeout in his bed, Andrew was calm and I felt victorious.

I headed to my room to pack my paint and other misc. craft supplies. All of the sudden I hear Rebecca yelling "mommy, Andrew is eating the brownies". What? He can't reach the brownies. How? I walked into the kitchen and this is what I found...

And look at this one, he almost even looks proud in this one.

He had pushed the stool over to the counter and was helping himself to some more. I only thought I was victorious. He is a very strong willed little boy.

BTW, do you think it counteracts the correction when mom is grabbing the camera to take a picture, because really it is just too cute? Ya, I do to. Oh well.

Happy 2nd Birthday Andrew!

Sunday was Mother's Day and I found it very fitting that we would also be celebrating Andrew's 2nd birthday on that day. After all, he is one very important reasons that I am even privileged enough to get to celebrate Mother's Day. Trace gave me some time away on Friday night and all day long on Saturday. It was a wonderful and encouraging time for me (but I will write more about that later) then on Sunday we had my mom, dad, and younger siblings join us for dinner to celebrate both Mother's Day and the very Special Birthday boy. I simply cannot believe Andrew is two. It was a pretty simple gathering with a few presents, cupcakes, and ice cream. Here is Andrew when we sang Happy Birthday to him.


And this is the only picture I got of him smiling. He was much to distracted for pictures.


Andrew, you are such a gift from the Lord. I treasure my time with you. You are a strong personality and you can go from making me laugh and smile, to just about pushing me over the edge . Life with you is never boring and I am getting to learn more about humility with you every day. One of the most consistent prayers that I pray for you is that you would grow into a man of tremendous self control, because (let's face it) it will definitely take the hand of the Lord to accomplish that. I also pray that you are captivated by the heart of God and you follow hard after him. Nothing would delight me more than to see that come true and I trust that the Lord has already began a work in your heart. I love how you look around and try to bow your head when we pray at the dinner table. You are so eager to be a part of everything that happens around you. You love to play with your big brother and sister. You have been learning new words daily. You mimic everything you hear and really think you are contributing to all our conversations. You have grown to love to read books. You run to retrieve a book and eagerly present it to me to read to you. Reading with you is such a fun thing to do. You still love to play cars and now have developed an interest for animals. Your very favorite thing in the world is to play outside. You enjoy getting to "wing" (swing) and you love playing ball of any type. Your baths are one of the highlights of your day and are quite wet for anyone in the room. You love to splash and swim in the water. I can't wait to see what you are like at the pool this summer. It is such a blessing to be your mommy! I love you more than I could ever begin to put into words!

A Sweet Lesson on the Father's Love

This morning on the way to take sweet Aidan to school, I had a sudden and unexpected encounter with a 16-year-old boy. He was on his way to school, the roads were slick, and he slid right into the back of me when I was stopped at a light. The damage to the mommy mobile isn't all that bad. The kids were understandably frightened but not injured. We got out and this kind, polite boy asked if everyone was OK. He was obviously upset, but he handled himself very well. We called the police and then He decided he needed to call his dad. His dad drove over and was visibly frustrated. You could hear it in his voice as he reprimanded his son. He wasn't necessarily inappropriate and I wouldn't have expected a father to behave any differently. It wasn't long before we were on our way. The father and the son both apologized and I left.

I was on my way home and I was reflecting on that teenage boy. I remembered making HUGE mistakes and having to make the dreaded phone call to my own father. I remember having to listen to him as he told me that I just needed to think, to use my head, slow down and stop making careless mistakes. Sometimes these conversations were based in love and sometimes it was just too frustrating for my dad to be able to remain calm. I was thinking about how that feels, to know you messed up, to know there will be consequences, to feel little bitty, and at the same time to have to listen to someone explain to you what you did wrong. With every word spoken you shrink further into self doubt and inability.

The next thing that occurred to me was the reaction of my Heavenly Father when I come to Him after making a mistake or choosing to act in sin. He never feels the need to Lord our sins over us. He let's us come, repent, and soak in His grace. He is so good, He is a merciful and compassionate God who beckons us to come and sit at His feet and take our fill of His love, His unconditional, limitless love. I am so thankful for the love of the Father! I am thankful for the way He speaks to me in the midst of my daily life and whispers His sweet truths to me.

When we come and repent we aren't promised that we will never suffer the consequences of our behavior (that would not be just) but we are guaranteed that we will find love, forgiveness, and acceptance in the midst of our sin filled existence. The next thing that occurred to me is how powerful it would have been in my own life after one of those "huge mistakes" if my father would have come to me and not said a word, but wrapped me in his loving embrace, knowing what I did was wrong, careless, and even stupid. What if he never felt the need to even tell me that, but yet he loved me through it. What if that father today had loved his son through it, never even speaking a critical word. What a powerful reflection of the Father he could have been.

I have found myself pondering my parenting today. I think there is a time and a place for me to correct, train, and teach my kids, but sometimes the most effective thing I can do is wrap them in my loving embrace and love them through it. That doesn't mean that we protect them from the consequences of the behavior, but sometimes we already know the mistakes we made...all we need is to know that we are loved in spite of those mistakes. Ephesians 4:29 is a verse that I have been praying and meditating on lately. It has application to EVERY single area of my life, but I have been specifically praying to see that verse become true in my home. I so desire our home to be place that encourages my family, that builds them up and gives them a safe place to fall when they do fall. The lesson that the Father had for me today directly relates to building a home environment that allows my husband, our children, and our family as a whole to not only survive but to blossom. I pray that in His strength I will be able to reflect the love of the Father more clearly in my own parenting.

Help...we have a crisis here.

Aidan got a Nintendo DS for Christmas and it is hands down every one's favorite gift this year. Rebecca loves to play it while Aidan is at school and I have been fine with that so far, but today she played with it and now it has mysteriously disappeared. It is nowhere to be found. We have searched the house. I am sure it will eventually turn up, because I know it is in this house, but when and where is another story. I have told Rebecca so many times that she has to be careful and respectful with things in general, but especially other peoples things. I think this is a great teaching opportunity, but I am not at all sure how to handle this.

So far I have taken away Rebecca's 3 favorite toys. They are in my closet. I told her I don't know when or if she will get them back. She has spent the last 45 minutes in her bed sulking. I am honestly soliciting your thoughts on this. What message am I teaching her? What would you do? If we can't find it should I sell her toys to buy him a new one? Help...I don't know what to do. I want to use this to shape her heart, but I am not sure the best way. I am also very frustrated. This is the most expensive toy we have bought and now it is gone. I don't want my knowledge of costs and materialism to seep into this. Give me any thoughts. Don't hold back (well, as long as you are still kind).

***Updated to add - We found the DS a few hours later. It was stuck back behind the TV. I have told Rebecca that she can choose one item everyday to get back as long as she can be responsible with the things she has and will make sure they are put away in a safe place when she is finished playing with them. We have chosen 2 safe places for the DS where it can easily be found the next time some one is looking for it. We will see if this was a moment that helped her understand better or not. She also has to earn back the right to play with Aidan's DS. So the issue has been resolved and I have fumbled through it but I would still love your input and thoughts about how you would handle something like this. If it was Becca's toy it would be so simple, it would just be gone. The hard part was that it isn't her toy, but rather her brother's favorite toy. So will you play along with this scenario and give me some fresh thoughts?

Seven Prayers of Day

This is such a great idea! I will be doing it, care to join me? Our kids can never get too much prayer and praying scripture is praying power over our kids. Go, check it out!

A little bit of humble pie

I was that mom today. Admit it...you have all looked at some mother and instead of being sympathetic towards her you make some kind of snide remark about how if your child ever acted like that I would...(you finish the sentence). What is with that judgemental attitude anyways? I know I have had it before, but I pray that today's experience will help keep me humble.

So now that I have shared that, I assume you know that I expect no medal for my parenting skills that I showed today. Let me tell you how it went. We went to chick-fil-a after BSF because I needed to run an errand and I knew that the kids would not tolerate running errands on an empty stomach. Little did I know that they were not going to tolerate Chick-fil-a well either. I ordered our food, got to the table, tore the chicken into pieces and distributed ketchup and drinks. Finally, I was sitting down to eat and Andrew got upset because he wanted to drink my drink (which was tea and I don't give my babies caffeine right before nap time). I said no here is your cup. He took it and angrily threw down on the ground. Oh joy. But it did not stop there...he started running his hand back and forth where his food was and chicken went flying everywhere. I did reprimand him for both of these, but evidently that did not matter because he kept at it. While all the fun is happening with Andrew, Rebecca goes to play for a few minutes before we leave. After a little bit she comes out to ask for ice cream. I told her no because we need to leave, because we have errands to run. To this my sweet three year-old began yelling NO NO NO NO NO (You get the point) while she runs for play land. I told her to come on, fought with her to get shoes on, and began gathering our things. At this point Andrew gets upset because of who knows what and he literally began slapping me in the face multiple times. My warnings for him to stop where ignored and it seemed to turn into a game for him. Rebecca is still being extremely rude with arms crossed and tons of attitude and my one year old won't stop hitting me in the face. Plenty of drama to turn many eyes our way. Wow! Any parenting dignity I had went out the window. Just when I start to think parenting is getting easier for a second something like this happens and I am totally humbled once again.

Just in case any of you are having a bad day...maybe this glimpse into our world will help. I know I keep telling myself that everybody has bad days...if it isn't rue don't tell me, I need to believe that right now. To the joys of motherhood!

The Night Before Kindergarten

It is the night before I send my Aidan off to school. I cannot believe that He will be in Kindergarten! Is he really old enough for that? I can't believe it. It seems like only yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital, terrified that I was going to do something wrong. He was so sweet and so dependent on me to care for him and I could just hold him and look at him for hours. It almost felt overwhelming to realize how much he needed me to care for him and now I am sending him to school and I will be away from him for most of the day.

We have done all the right things to get ready for school. His clothes are picked out (I teared up a bit just picking out his clothes) and ready to be put on. Breakfast selections have been made. The lunch is packed and his supplies are waiting by the door. I have worked on earlier bedtimes and early mornings. We read a special book called the night before Kindergarten. We have talked about school and all those things, but I don't really feel ready.

I think the biggest thing is that we are entering a new stage in our life, in our parenting. I have been told over and over that once they hit school age time just flies by. I am grasping to slow it down, but that doesn't seem to be working. I don't know exactly what lies ahead for Trace and I as parents, for Aidan as he grows and changes, or for our family I just keep reminding my self that the Lord is with me always...I don't have to be afraid. I can walk into the unknown and trust that I will be OK because I know the one who has NO UNKNOWNS! I know the one who formed Aidan and knew the number of hairs he had on his head before I even dreamed about what he would be like. I know the one who loves Aidan even more than I could ever love him. I know the one who is trustworthy. I will hold onto that as I drop Aidan off at school. I will probably shed many tears, but I will cling to these truths while every tear falls.

I picked up some Bath and Body Works apple scented lotion and soap to give to Aidan's teacher and I wrote her a little note. This is what it says:

Dear Mrs. Rayon,
I have spent the last several months attempting to prepare to send my first baby to Kindergarten. For some reason the fact that you will spend more waking hours with my son during the week has been a hard pill for me to swallow, I have to admit that I am a tiny bit jealous and somewhat sad. So tonight I sit in a quiet house realizing that tomorrow is a huge day for me to learn a little bit about loosening my grip and trusting that everything will be OK.

In the morning I will walk Aidan into your classroom and you will be their to give a friendly greeting and make him feel comfortable as he tells mommy goodbye for much of the day. I have grieved this change and very likely will continue to, but somewhere along the way I had this realization that this is not only a big deal for me, but a mighty job, a high calling for you. I cannot thank you enough for being there to greet my baby, to teach my baby, and to invest in my baby as well as so many other kids. You are not just partnering with me to teach him academically, but socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. I pray that this truly does prove to be a partnership. I commit to praying for you throughout the year. I will gladly come alongside you as we work together this year. So I will thank you in advance for being strong when I feel weak and afraid. I thank you for all the time and energy you have already put in to this year and will continue to invest during the year. Thank you especially for being willing to invest, care for, comfort, and teach my Aidan.

Sincerely,
Christa

I am off to bed to get some sleep before the BIG day. Don't worry first day pictures will come very soon.

Our Chore Chart

We started a chore system last week. I can easily feel overwhelmed with the daily tasks so I decided now is a good time to really start training the kids in regards to helping around the house. Aidan has 5 chores and Rebecca has 3( I wasn't planning on giving Rebecca any yet, but she was so eager to show me how she too could make her bed that I decided to include her). They are pretty simple things, but it is a start and I have explained that they will change as they master the current tasks. And another big part of it is completing the task without complaining or whining about it which can be a big problem at our house. Here is a picture of our blank chore chart.

Everything is Velcro so that it can easily be changed. I have pictures that prompt the written chore so that they can easily see and know what they are supposed to do. Aidan's chores include making his bed, getting dressed, brushing teeth, cleaning his room at the end of the day, and unloading the silverware part of the dishwasher (minus any sharp knives). Rebecca has to make her bed, brush her teeth, and clean up at the end of the day. Aidan can do many of these things, he just tends to whine while doing them, so that is what we are trying to master. Also, with school starting soon, I am hoping this will help him to get dressed and ready with a good attitude.

And this what the chart looked like after the completion of week one. I left a row on the bottom that I can use to reward the kids for being helpful around the house by doing things they are not required to do. We have small velcro stickers that they can put on the chart when they are finished with the chore. I have had to get used to looking at beds that are not perfectly made, but they do look like an effort was made and I did not have to do it!

We decided to give the kids a nickel for every sticker they receive. I am praying that we will be able to begin teaching the kids about saving, tithing, and spending through this. We will see how this works, but for week one I have had beds made before they even leave there room and very little complaining about cleaning, dressing, and brushing teeth. We will see if it lasts.

Summer Routine

I must confess that I have not been all that excited about summer...stressed would be more accurate. The summer has brought the end to all our commitments and structured activities, which is freeing, but totally overwhelming. I can remember a time (just a few years ago) when I created our entire sense of structure and we didn't really have to be anywhere. It went something like this... wake up - eat breakfast - get dressed - watch cartoons for 30 minutes - structured play time in room - structured playtime outside - free play time - eat lunch - take nap (everyone, mom included) - have snack - watch video, read a book, or play - cook dinner - eat dinner - bath - play - bed. It was really pretty simple.

Then came school and activities and places to go. Now, I have come to rely on activities to get us through the day. So the end of activities and a blank schedule felt overwhelming to me. Also, the fact that I have 3 kids with very different abilities and privilleges makes it hard. How do I fit in naps, and baby appropriate play, while still trying to play kitchen, ride bikes, and go swimming? Plus it would be nice if I could get, say 5 minutes every so often without a request being made and when I can actually get something done. On top of that Aidan has gotten to be good friends with the kids in the neighborhood which is a whole new world. I regularly have 2 extra kids at my house playing which can get a bit overwhelming at times...and in the summer with all the down time I thought this might get out of control. This is when I have to remember that I am the parent and set some boundaries, but I just couldn't get a firm grip on what our days would look like so today while the smaller ones were napping and Aidan was watching a movie I snuck off to soak in the tub and think and pray about our summer and our routine. This is what we ended up with...

This is a flexible, tentative schedule. I am NOT a schedule person, but when I just go with the flow I tend to still be in my pjs at 12:00 simply wasting the day away and trying to figure out when I am going to get everything done. I set this up with chunks of time. I have something I would like to accomplish in every time block but I did not break my day up into 30 minute time slots...I just can't exist in that kind of structure. This also allows some time for the things I really want to do with the kids this summer, like practice writing letters, drawing pictures, and working in some type of bible time.

Yes, I did hang that outside my door. It says stop, kids can't play. That way the neighborhood kids do not even have to ask. If they see red they keep going. I am so excited about this and I am praying it works!

And this is what it looks like when it would be ok to stop and ask the kids to play. It says please knock so that any other random person who comes by will knock rather than ringing the doorbell and waking the baby. I think I love this idea...again we will see if it works.
This is just a picture of what summer looks like when you are one and mommy doesn't want to sit in the pool with you.

He doesn't seem to mind does he?

I will let you know how my routine goes. This is huge for me. I am not structured by nature, but I really do enjoy the way my life goes when I can force myself to give it some type of effort. The summer is looking brighter already (talk to me in a month).

His Way is Perfect

I have started this entry time and time again only to find it was too hard to write clearly or I got interrupted by my kiddos or any other excuse...and I must admit I am secretly hoping Andrew and Rebecca wake up soon and I am just not able to finish. I have spent the last several months saying yes to the Lord with my kids. I have had to say over and over again, yes Lord I trust you. I have dealt with anger, and loss of control, and submission so much. I have had to come to terms with areas of my life where I was not trusting God to answer my prayers and provide for every need for my kids. It has been hard for me to be confronted with this. It has hurt to say I trust myself and other things more than God, especially with my kids. This whole process has brought about a time of brokenness and a new experience of humility. I have been loved enough to see my sin, so that I can turn from and walk more closely with my Lord.

The entire process started with the decision about Aidan's school for the Fall. Aidan has gone to K4 at Grace Community School this year and we planned to send him to Kindergarten there also. We have loved this school. It has been so neat to see Aidan encouraged spiritually and directed towards the Lord. We have been truly blessed by this school. However, there was one night when my husband and I were talking and I said do you really think we are being the best stewards of our money by sending our kids to school here. Please hear me say we love Grace and I truly believe it is worth every single penny. I think that the education and the spiritual nourishment you receive are priceless, so I would encourage anyone who can afford it to enroll their kids.

But we have felt the Lord pressing on our hearts in new ways. We feel like He has asked us to get out from under our student loans and any other debt so that we are free to say yes to Him, if and when He gives us clear direction. We want to be able to go and serve and do what He asks of us and so we know we cannot live completely freely while we owe to others. This is how are conversation began, but very quickly I realized a need to pray fervently for who his teacher was going to be and who his friends would be and how he would come to understand his faith in a place where it was never talked about. I knew that I would have to be even more intentional as his mother to teach him about the bible and what it says. I was overwhelmed and fearful and I realized that I was not fully trusting the Lord but resting in Grace Community School in many ways. I remember telling Trace that I have prayed almost daily since Aidan was born that he would come to know Jesus Christ in a very real way...do I really trust the Lord to answer that prayer or do I depend more on my self and his school to make sure this happens. I mean, He is the Lord of the Universe. Is He not capable of reaching a kid in public school? Can I not just trust in the Lord? I do believe that I have to do my part as Aidan's mother, but I also have to pray and expect the Lord to answer.

All of these things came together in a powerful way for us and we knew that if we were to walk in obedience then the right choice for our family was to send Aidan to public school. I have no doubt that this is where the Lord wants us. I truly believe that we were shown something great at Grace Community School, but we have been asked to walk away from that for something better (which is the Lord and obedience to Him). I do not doubt He has plans for us and they will be made perfectly clear over the days, months, and years to come. I know that I have already spent more time in prayer for Aidan's school next year than I did for the past year.

Today was Aidan's last day of school and I have been a little emotional. I am completely at peace with our decision but I grieve some of the great things that I will miss by not being at Grace. I will miss that he will not be memorizing scripture at school, and that he will not be prayed with by his teacher at school. I grieve that when he experiences discipline the Lords word will not be brought up as a basis for the discipline and that his character will not be focused on from a scriptural point of view. I grieve that his teacher will not be able to direct his little heart to the Lord on a daily basis, but I accept that this is my role as his parent and Trace and I will have to work hard to instill these values and to truly live this out in front of our kids.

Aidan's class handmade desert plates for their wonderful teacher. Today was her last day ever, as she plans to retire. They presented the plates to her as a gift from the class. They all had a favorite scripture on the plates and their hand prints. She cried, I cried. We talked privately about our decision and I cried. She encouraged me greatly and reminded me that the Lord was in control. She has spoken so well of my Aidan all year. Last Thursday I picked him up and she hugged my neck and told me how special he has been to her through a tearful voice. She has been a gift. Grace school has been a gift. Today she said to me that Aidan has a great foundation laid and that he will be fine and the Lord will take care of him. I trust that!! As I drove away today the scripture that Aidan chose for his plate came to me. It said As for God, His way is perfect (Psalm 18:30). What comfort I find in that. I trust that this is the journey the Lord has for our family. It is not the right journey for all families, but since it is our journey (and what we believe to be His way) I will trust that it is perfect.

The whole class and Mrs. Petty

Mrs. Petty and Aidan

Gifts

I went shopping for a few last minute gift items for Andrew's birthday on Friday night. I know you are very impressed by my organizational skills since his birthday was on Saturday, but hey I had the gifts by his birthday and he didn't have a clue I was doing last minute shopping. Anyways, I was shopping for Andrew and I needed to grab a couple things that Aidan needed. I noticed some character shirts on sale in the boys department. Now, I have to admit that I am not a big fan of character clothing and shoes. I don't really have a problem with it, I just think that those items tend to be overpriced and not really all that cute so I pass by that section without paying much attention to it.

This time was different though and the Star Wars shirts jumped out at me. It is not because I found them to be adorable and could not pass them up, but rather because my Aidan had just recently asked me to get him a Star Wars shirt. He never asks for clothing so I tucked that bit of information away not knowing if I would ever actually purchase him one and I went on about my day. A week later I am standing in the store with Star Wars shirts on sale and I did it. I eagerly purchased him a shirt. Did you hear that...I said I eagerly purchased the shirt and I proudly presented him with the little surprise that I knew he wanted.

When I was buying the shirt the scripture from Matthew came to me that says:
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.
I think that my Father in heaven also loves to give good gifts to those of us who ask. We all know that all good and perfect gifts come from above, so in some way we realize that the many blessings we have received come from His hand, but when I ask and then I receive I know without any doubt that it came from His hand and I am amazed at His goodness. Do you ever think that God is excited to lavish His good gifts upon us, much the same way that I was excited to present the small gift to Aidan. God will not give me everything I ask for because He knows what I need better than I know(much the same way that I know some things are just not in the best interest of my children), but what joy I have in giving to them when I can. I think God is like that in some ways and He loves to give to us what we ask for and I know that I see Him providing for me and meeting my needs so much more clearly when I stop and take the time to ask. It was such a sweet lesson for me as I shopped for my own children.

Sweet Mercy

Over the past several days I have been thinking a lot about my friend and her loss. I keep having Isaiah 61:1-3 come to my mind over and over. It says

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Saturday night a friend and I arrived in Dallas. We went by the hospital and saw our friend and then went to a hotel room for the night. I could not sleep. My mind would not stop running so I grabbed my bible and headed to the bathroom. I just started reading. I have read this scripture many times, frequently in relation to greif and loss so I thought of it and I read it. I started praying for the Lord to redeem this event over time and to do just what the scripture says...to give her a crown of beauty, to grant the oil of gladness in her heart, and to clothe her in praise instead of despair. The next line says they will be called oaks of righteousness. What comfort I found in that, line. Oak trees are large, they are firmly planted and their roots run deep. I prayed this for her.

I began to reflect on my own journey and walk through the loss of our baby. His name was Trevor. He was my first introduction into motherhood. With him I experienced intense love and intense loss. His life was not in vain, the Lord used this time. The Lord changed the direction of my path. He changed the desires of my heart. He showed me how small I was and how desperately I needed my Lord, a God much bigger than the one I knew. He set me on a path of learning to trust Him, learning how to surrender to Him.

Through Trevor the Lord taught me about love and about loss. He taught me about future expectations, expectations not fulfilled. He taught me how fragile life is. But more than anything He taught me about the Lord's goodness. He taught me about a God who is always present, who gives me the strength to go on even when I doubt it is possible. He taught me about a God who remains close even when I doubt His goodness, which is the very nature of who He is. So even when I doubt Him, He remains. He taught me how to stand up under the weight of the world. And in the end, He showed me how He could take this loss and He would bestow on me a crown of beauty, the oil of gladness, and a garment of praise.

I can no longer look back with even a hint of bitterness, but rather with nothing but praise on my lips. As a result of Trevors life I began a journey that lead me to the feet of my Savior in ways I had never experienced before. When Aidan was born the Lord used him to break me once again. I got the message that Aidan was His child, His creation, and he was my gift. A gift from the very hands of the Lord...that is what I had been given. I had a new since of responsiblity and I was terrified to move. I was overwhelmed by the job of mother so again, I was sent to my Saviors feet. He has a funny way of keeping me on my knees and I am so thankful for that. As the Lord continued to heal me He taught me about joy, true joy that cannot come from my husband, or my kids, but only from His hand. Don't get me wrong...my husband and kids are both a source of much joy, but they cannot be my ultimate source of joy, that only comes from Him. God has even been so gracious to redeem the day that I delievered Trevor. In His sweet mercy, He allowed me to deliver Rebecca on that same day 4 years later. That day no longer has a scent of mourning, but rather the oil of gladness...a celebration of life. I did not realize how significant that was for me until this past week. I knew and it was special, but I now treasure that display of God's mercy.

My heart is truly broken for my friend. I greive with her for her loss and the suffering she will endure, but I know hope! He is our hope. He will give her the oil of gladness, a crown of beauty, and a garland of praise just like He has for me.

Me and the Boy (the big one that is)

What a treat it was to get to go on Aidan's class field trip to Discovery Science Place. It was a wonderful reminder for me (as a mother of three) that my kids still need my undivided attention from time to time. That does not just mean me and the three of them, but also one on one time. I have not gotten much of that lately. So I was excited to get to go, but I really thought Aidan would spend most of his time with the kids in his class. That was not the case. He did play with his friends but he wanted me with him the entire time. So we played. He was the doctor and I was the patient, he was the optometrist and I got my vision checked, he was the banker and I was the customer, he was the tall order chef and I placed my order, and he was the checker at the store when I went shopping. I did not think about what the other kids were doing or the million things I need to do at home, I just played and I watched him. I watched how he takes everything in. He hangs on every word. I watched how he smiled and I was reminded of what a sweet gentle spirit he has. I watched him play with a friend and simply enjoy himself. Sometimes I get so focused on developing his character that I forget to just fully be with him and to enjoy him. He is such sweet little boy!

Mr. Banker can I please get some money?

Co-pilot Aidan

The Doctor's...I was in good hands with these two.

Look at that spread prepared by these two chefs!

Sleep

I love to sleep! LOVE IT! I so look forward to those days that I can curl up for a nap, however rare that may be. It is a special treat for me. So you might understand why I find my husband and Aidan so foreign in this area. They both seem to think it is a sign of weakness to sleep during the day. I can ask Aidan if he wants to take a nap when his head is bobbing up and down in the car while he nods off and He will bark at me, "No, I am not tired". Yesterday, he was having a hard day so I told him to get in bed and rest. That he could have a few toys, but I wanted him in bed. I just knew that he would end up playing but I was ok with that, maybe it would help. I walked in to check on him (it is never good when you hear silence) and this is what I found.

I woke him up two hours later. Not tired? You see how he still has a small yellow toy in his hand? I promise you he did not intend to fall asleep. So sweet!

Most of you know that I am going to a retreat this weekend. I am excited and will spend the day getting packed and ready. I am helping to host a shower on Sunday afternoon, in between church and Community Group Sunday night so I am trying to get a little organized for all that too. And to top it off, Andrew woke up last night with so much goop in his eye that he could not open it. I will try to get the drops for that and get him started on those. I hate to be leaving my husband with 3 kids, especially when one has pink eye. He is a great dad and I know he can handle it, but this is his first overnight duty with 3 kids (feel free to say a little prayer for Andrew's eye and Trace). What an awesome man he is that he has not complained or acted even slightly annoyed by the fact that I will be gone. You are a great dad and a fabulous husband! I love you!

Prince Charming...Does he exist?

I had such a sweet time in the car this morning with my kids so I simply had to share. We were driving Aidan to school and dancing and singing to the radio. We had on the local Christian radio station on and they played this. If you listen to the words you will hear that Micheal W. Smith refers to God as the King of Kings and Prince of Peace. From out of nowhere, Rebecca starts talking about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White. I was struggling to understand why she is talking about princesses (although this is one of her favorite topics), but then it hit me. My sweet little two year old began trying to make sense of what she was hearing. She is familiar with the words King and Prince from her obsession with fairy tales.
Oh, how sweet our God is. One of my favorite things about having a little girl has been watching her fall in love with fairy tales and beautiful dresses. I have gotten to fall in love all over again with the idea of the fairy tale. I have come to believe that this is not a childhood fantasy, but it is the desire God has written on our hearts. He has definitely written it on my heart and I am watching him form this desire in my two year old girl’s heart. Don't we all want to be rescued from something? Isn't there a part of all of us who wants to be whisked away on the white horse with our Prince Charming? Can't we see that desire today...Valentine's Day, as women hope and wish for a man to be their Prince Charming? To make them feel like they are enough, to make them feel beautiful.
So I took the opportunity to discuss fairy tales, to let Rebecca know that they are not just a dream or fantasy. That they are real, that she really is that daughter of The King. She is a beautiful Princess and she has been given a savior to rescue her. He came and He died, and He will Come again! Please don't just skip past that link, please go and read what it says. He will come; He will ride up on a horse to wage war. He will fight for His glory and His honor. And in the end, every knee will bow and every tongue will give praise to God (Romans 14:11). He is my Prince, He will come to save! I will be whisked away...no, I am being whisked away daily by the immeasurable love that the Father has lavished upon me. I beg of you to let yourself go, to fall into your Prince Charmings arms and let Him whisk you away.
Go listen to this song that has become one of my very favorites (insert -- the song I am referring to is measure of beauty, click on it if it does not come up from the beginning, sorry having a problem getting this to work). Just listen as Gods word is sung over you. All the lyrics of this song come straight from scripture. God loves you, oh how He loves you! The Bride is being prepared for the Bridegroom (Jesus). Don't miss the wedding; we will live happily ever after!

A GLORIOUS START...

This has the makings of a glorious day! I am sitting at the computer, in my pj pants, typing away. We normally go to BSF on Wednesdays, but I noticed a rash on Andrew's legs last night and he has a cough and runny nose. I was leaning toward missing, so this morning I snuck into the boys room, flashlight in hand (so I wouldn't disturb the sleeping angels), and looked to confirm that yes it is still there and yes we will be missing. Rebecca woke up about 7:30 and quietly watched cartoons, Andrew woke up about 8:00 and I snuggled him in my lap while I fed him his bottle. Then Rebecca cuddled up with us and we rocked for about 20 wonderful minutes. Aidan finally stumbled out of his room about 9:00. The kids ate and I chopped up vegetables and threw our dinner in the crock pot (which is the best feeling in the world for me, to basically be finished cooking dinner by 10:00). This morning has been so laid back and casual that I was able to drink 2 cups of coffee, while they were still hot. You have no idea how rare this is...I usually do not even get to finish one before it is cold. So now, Andrew is napping and the other two are playing school in the living room ( I just heard Aidan reprimand his 2 year old sister for scribbling rather than coloring and for that she would not receive a sticker...after many tears and some intervention from mom he gave her a pink sticker and now life is better again). It brings so much joy to my heart to see or hear my kids enjoying one another, no matter how brief those times may be.

Sometimes God knows just what we need and rather than a morning full of bible study with other women He decides it is more fitting and needed for a mom of 3 to have a lazy morning at home, enjoying her kids, having some snuggle time, finishing a couple cups of coffee, and savoring the goodness of life. I absolutely have to share these two blog post (here and here) that I stumbled across this morning. They brought tears to my eyes as I read and was reminded of the joys that come from having little kids snuggled in your lap, reading books, singing songs, all the laughter that comes from a full home. I am so blessed to be in the middle of this season of my life. There are days that simply cannot go fast enough, there are struggles in having little kids, but there are many, many joys! Moments I wish I could store in a little box and revisit over and over again. Times I know I will miss when they are gone. So for today, I will try to be in the moment with my kids and treasure them.

And one final note...just because I want to brag on the baby who is changing daily!!! He started sort of scooting/crawling across the floor just a bit. I saw him doing this for the first time yesterday (when I came in the nursery to pick him up after working out at the gym...I swear I can't leave this kid for a second!!!). I am very saddened by this new development, I don't want my baby to grow up yet. Our world is about to change yet again. We will soon have 3 mobile kids...that can produce a little fear in a momma.

The Little Things

OK, I am a bit trepidatious as I sit to write this...not because I am going to write some big deep thing that you don't already know, but because I am about to share with you one of the times that God spoke to me. These times get me at my core, they make me stop and ponder, they catch me with weight and slow me down. They are some of my most treasured times. Much of the time the things He says to me are things I already know on some level, but they are things that I do not practice well. So here goes...

I have written several times about resting in God and that He has been teaching me about this for the past several months. He has been at work on my heart in this area for quite some time. I love the scriptures about resting in Him, resting in my Father who I can trust and depend on, resting in the only one who can truly make me complete. I have been learning about this. I have been listening, but some times (really, most of the time) I need to be told over and over again before I get it.

So last week I was standing in the kitchen, making lunches and I was thinking about how much effort it feels like I expend at times and how worn out I am at times. I was thinking about how some days it just feels like I fight to get through them and I miss the joys of having 3 little kids around me. I was thinking about how I loose my patience and snap at my kids and I was thinking about the fact that Trace, Aidan, Rebecca, and Andrew are the 4 most important human beings in my life and that they are the ones who I hurt the most with my tongue and with the anger that gets stored up in my heart when I don't get my way. I was thinking about how this has seemed to be the case more since having baby number 3. So I am thinking these things and then all of the sudden I heard myself say ( yes, I realize this means I am admitting I was talking to myself and yes, I know that makes me crazy)"I am just stretched too thin." And you know what, when I said that I felt freedom. I told you this isn't some big deep mystery...having three little kids stretches you very thin. But when I said this I was truly admitting my weakness and when I am weak God is strong!!! I really cannot express how immediately God ministered to my soul in that moment. I felt a deep satisfaction in that moment! For that moment I drank and I was satisfied. My life circumstances did not change. I did not get time away alone to refresh, but in an instant I was weak, I was in need, and I knew exactly what I needed. It was not anything that "me time" would fix...I needed the Savior, I needed rest, I needed to be satisfied in Him.

So this is what I have learned...God desires for me to know how much I need Him. I told you these are things I know, but they just hit me in new ways from time to time and this time I realized how much I have been compartmentalizing my life. I have certain things that I believe are spiritual and I ask God for help with these things...things like praying with and for my kids, talking to my kids about who God is, studying scripture, and responding to scripture. I even ask for help in areas where I sin, because I know that these are things that separate me from Jesus. I pray about being a light for Him when I am around friends, family, and strangers alike, that I won't be a stumbling block for someone else, but I don't pray for the daily tasks because I seem to think I can do those on my own. I don't depend on God as strongly on the days when I plan to just be at home. I don't ask God to strengthen me to help me feed, bath, read to, and play with my kids. For some reason, these things just don't seem as unmanageable so I don't ask for help. But all the sudden I knew that when I am overwhelmed it isn't the big things that weigh me down, but it is the little things. Things like bath time, and laundry. Running the vacuum and dusting. And as much as I do enjoy some alone time, that does not fix the problem. I return home to life and to feeling stretched thin, believing that is just the way it is supposed to be. The reality is that I don't always feel like this so I know there is another way, I just HAVE to ask my Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer, to be my strength, to uphold me with His Righteous Right Hand. It isn't in the big things...it's in the little things.

So this is what I learned when God spoke to me, and in an instant I felt better. You would guess that in that moment I hit my knees and praised God for teaching me, for fulfilling me, and that I asked Him to carry me. That is exactly what you would expect, but it is not what I did. Rather I treasured that moment for a little bit and then I got distracted. I got busy and I went about my day in my own strength and power. So once again a few days later I felt the same way. And again, a few days later I felt worn out and beaten up. It finally hit me...I have to actually do the things Jesus shows me to do if I want to see any change. So now, I have prayed, I have confessed that I fall short, I have confessed that I am weak and I have confessed how bad I am at realizing I need Him in the little details. That yes, I am stretched too thin, but that is right where He wants me. Maybe I can finally begin to grasp that He is my every need. Every breath I breath I need Him...especially in the little things!

Rest...even in the Holiday Season

In our community group this past Sunday we studied Psalm 127 and I found a new favorite verse that I have been meditating on.
It is Psalm 127:2 and it reads in the NLT:

It is useless for you to work so hard
from early morning until late at night,
anxiously working for food to eat;
for God gives rest to his loved ones.
And the NIV says:
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.

What a beautiful picture! God has been so good to teach me about rest lately. He has done this in so many ways, through books, and different verses in His word so it would make sense that this verse jumps off the page at me. Sense having baby number three, I so often feel exhausted. I love my kids and I would not desire my life to be any different, but I get tired. I get burdened by my daily tasks and it is hard to do them with a cheerful heart. I also feel sometimes like I spend all my time meeting the basic needs of my family and that I don't do anything of significance. And this is where the enemy attacks me...in my thought life. I think what I am doing does not matter, that it is not significant in God's Kingdom, but then I remember that as Psalm 127:3 says, that children are a gift of the Lord. These 3 beautiful children are what God has given me on a daily basis to invest in for the glory of His kingdom. Sometimes I think that it would be so rewarding to have a specific "ministry". To have some people in my life that don't know Jesus, but really want to, and to get to spend time encouraging them and watching them grow in their faith. And then I remember...GOD HAS GIVEN ME THREE OF THOSE PEOPLE IN MY VERY OWN HOME. I don't have to go seek them out, they live with me, they are 3 of the most special people in the whole world, as far as I am concerned. When I have this perspective, my heart is more aligned with God's and I can serve them, love them, cuddle them, and even discipline them with a cheerful heart. I get to talk about Jesus with these 3 kids as much as I want and they are excited to have these conversations. They are excited to learn and like all human beings they have hearts bent towards worship. As I point their little hearts to Jesus we get to worship together. I have Aidan who loves to try to understand big concepts, like the Trinity and Satan. I have Rebecca who points out the wonder of God's creation by taking note of the pink sunsets and the stars in the sky. And I have Andrew whose precious smile and laughter can bring joy to any situation. We get to sing to God to our hearts content. God's good gifts provide me a place to serve Him, a place to worship Him, and with the right perspective give me a cheerful heart that is able to rest in Him.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30:

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

God has shown me lately that when I am feeling burdened it is because I am working hard, spinning my wheels so to speak, based on my own burden...For His burden is light and His yoke is easy. When I sit as His feet and let Him teach me He provides rest for my soul.
By the way...This post was supposed to be about the unexpected ways God gives us time and rest, but as I wrote this is what came out. I guess this was what I needed to blog about today.

Parenting Thoughts

I recently finished a class at our church on the book Shepherding a Child's Heart. We have read the book before, but it was definitely and opportune time for a refresher. After finishing the class and the book, I purchased Don't Make Me Count to Three and I have gotten pretty close to finishing it as well. It has been helpful and I love gaining the insight that others have on biblical parenting. I do not think that there is one absolute way to parent but Trace and I have chosen to use the bible as our guidelines in parenting. The bible has so much to say about our attitude and heart issues. What better source is there than God's word.
So for the past few months we have doubled our efforts on addressing the heart issues of the kids based on what the bible has to say about them and using biblical language when we discuss these heart issues.
In Don't Make Me Count to Three the author addresses the need to correct sinful behavior with positive behavior. We cannot simply say that is wrong and not show them or teach them what is acceptable to do instead. That leads to the reason for this blog entry...I have been using the word servant lately when I am talking to Aidan and Rebecca. We talk about how they often come from a selfish heart and attitude when they argue over getting their way and we have been looking for opportunities to serve one another. I am seeing some fruit from this. Today, Aidan asked Rebecca to play cars, she said no, so he said what do you want to do. She said play Uno and he agreed at which point he turned to me and said see I am being a servant, I am playing Uno even though that is not what I want to do. At first I was excited and my heart swelled a bit. You may even say I felt a little prideful, until a few minutes later Aidan sought out another opportunity to give of himself and again he announced how servant like he was. This happened a third time within 15 minutes. It sure teaches me of the power of praise, but also the desire to please man. How do you praise your children and encourage positive behavior without teaching them to do things with the motivation of pleasing man and not to please God, or is this teaching them behavior that is pleasing to God? I feel like I am walking the parenting tightrope. I have to be careful to not lean too far either way. I know that I catch myself doing things at times that are more strongly motivated by the desire to please/impress others rather than to obey God and please Him. It is natural for our kids to want to please us, but at what point are we teaching our kids that they exist to make mommy happy. That is not what I believe at all. I want them to experience my unconditional love, that is not dependent on doing right or wrong. If you have any feedback I would love to hear it.

A FEW CUTE THINGS FROM THE MIND OF REBECCA:
1. The other day we were driving down the street and Rebecca said look mommy, it's a Dr. Firetruck (Rather than an ambulance).
2. Last night we were outside and Rebecca looked up in the sky and said with amazement, look mommy God made more stars!
3. Joy lights up in Rebecca's face when she announces that there is pink in the sky and pink is my favorite color (during sunsets).
I desire to be this easy to please and amaze!