It is the night before I send my Aidan off to school. I cannot believe that He will be in Kindergarten! Is he really old enough for that? I can't believe it. It seems like only yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital, terrified that I was going to do something wrong. He was so sweet and so dependent on me to care for him and I could just hold him and look at him for hours. It almost felt overwhelming to realize how much he needed me to care for him and now I am sending him to school and I will be away from him for most of the day.
We have done all the right things to get ready for school. His clothes are picked out (I teared up a bit just picking out his clothes) and ready to be put on. Breakfast selections have been made. The lunch is packed and his supplies are waiting by the door. I have worked on earlier bedtimes and early mornings. We read a special book called the night before Kindergarten. We have talked about school and all those things, but I don't really feel ready.
I think the biggest thing is that we are entering a new stage in our life, in our parenting. I have been told over and over that once they hit school age time just flies by. I am grasping to slow it down, but that doesn't seem to be working. I don't know exactly what lies ahead for Trace and I as parents, for Aidan as he grows and changes, or for our family I just keep reminding my self that the Lord is with me always...I don't have to be afraid. I can walk into the unknown and trust that I will be OK because I know the one who has NO UNKNOWNS! I know the one who formed Aidan and knew the number of hairs he had on his head before I even dreamed about what he would be like. I know the one who loves Aidan even more than I could ever love him. I know the one who is trustworthy. I will hold onto that as I drop Aidan off at school. I will probably shed many tears, but I will cling to these truths while every tear falls.
I picked up some Bath and Body Works apple scented lotion and soap to give to Aidan's teacher and I wrote her a little note. This is what it says:
Dear Mrs. Rayon,
I have spent the last several months attempting to prepare to send my first baby to Kindergarten. For some reason the fact that you will spend more waking hours with my son during the week has been a hard pill for me to swallow, I have to admit that I am a tiny bit jealous and somewhat sad. So tonight I sit in a quiet house realizing that tomorrow is a huge day for me to learn a little bit about loosening my grip and trusting that everything will be OK.
In the morning I will walk Aidan into your classroom and you will be their to give a friendly greeting and make him feel comfortable as he tells mommy goodbye for much of the day. I have grieved this change and very likely will continue to, but somewhere along the way I had this realization that this is not only a big deal for me, but a mighty job, a high calling for you. I cannot thank you enough for being there to greet my baby, to teach my baby, and to invest in my baby as well as so many other kids. You are not just partnering with me to teach him academically, but socially, emotionally, and behaviorally. I pray that this truly does prove to be a partnership. I commit to praying for you throughout the year. I will gladly come alongside you as we work together this year. So I will thank you in advance for being strong when I feel weak and afraid. I thank you for all the time and energy you have already put in to this year and will continue to invest during the year. Thank you especially for being willing to invest, care for, comfort, and teach my Aidan.
I am off to bed to get some sleep before the BIG day. Don't worry first day pictures will come very soon.