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Friday, March 28, 2008

Sledge Hammers and Chain Saws

My backyard looks like a tornado touched down. It is a disaster! Last weekend we looked for some patio furniture that we have been wanting/planning to buy for about 9 months. We knew we wanted to get some for this summer. We ran in at Lowe's and they were already out of what we wanted. I told my husband we probably needed to look at Home Depot soon and go ahead and buy what we had found that we liked a few months before. He responded with "well, lets go". So we did and we bought a patio table and 6 chairs. This is how the chaos began. We called my baby brother, Greg, to bring his truck and help us get this all home.

On the care ride home Trace and I began discussing our plans for the backyard. It went something like this...
Trace: I guess we can put this table and chairs in the grass until we can rip out the screened in back porch and the uneven stone porch (that was all here when we bought the house) and get some cement poured (we plan to get a cement porch extension added on to the house).
Christa: How are we going to tear out the stone porch? Do we need to rent some equipment...like a jackhammer?
Trace: Maybe we could do it with a sledge hammer? Maybe that old man down the street (as we have affectionately named him, but we do know his family calls him Papa Penn) has one and I can try and see how hard it will be.
Christa: I can ask him, he is always willing to let us borrow his stuff.
Trace: Maybe Greg would want to do it? He doesn't have a job right now does he?
Christa: I can always ask him and see if he wants to. Hey look, their outside (meaning that old man). Do you want me to ask him now and when Greg gets here we can let him give it a good whack and see how hard it will be?
Trace: Yeah, go ask.

A few hours and a little bit of sweat results in the screened in porch being torn down and the stone porch beaten out with the sledge hammer and stacked in a pile. We loaded up Greg's truck and sent him off to the dump to dispose of the mess.

We also had 7 Crate Myrtle trees in a semi-circle surrounding this uneven water collecting mess of a porch. Trace has wanted to cut them down since we moved in. Well, today we said goodbye to the Crate Myrtles. Our neighbor brought out his heavy duty chain saw and Trace and he got busy. They are literally lying on the ground exactly where they dropped them. Greg is coming again tomorrow to help us cut them down and dispose of them. We also still have some of the mess from last week that we could not get in the truck. In the middle of this Trace has been working on putting together a swing set for the kids that is still not complete. This is the brilliant way we plan at our house. I will make a mental note...whenever sledge hammers and chain saws come out we are NOT going to see how much work it is going to be we are beginning the chaos, ready or not.

Now if we could just determine the best way to get rid of the stumps left from the trees...then the demolition would be complete and we could move on to fun things like getting the concrete poured and putting together the patio furniture. I am even beginning to dream about entertaining in the backyard while the kids play and we fire up the grill. One day the craziness will be worth it...one day.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mexico Monday

There has been constant banging and thumping over my head today. I even thought at one point that the roof may fall through. We are getting our roof replaced and since I did not know they were coming today, I did not make plans to be out of the house. To my amazement both Rebecca and Andrew have been able to successfully take a nap. So other than me loosing all sanity (not that there was much left to loose) I think we are going to survive just fine.

I am not sure how coherent my thoughts are going to come out amidst all the noise but, today is Monday and you know that means I will be asking for your prayer for the mission trip that our family is taking to Metamoros, Mexico in June. The housing is community living and all the girls will be in one room and the boys on another. That means that Myself, Rebecca, and Andrew will be on one side and Aidan and Trace will be on the other side. I am not at all sure how bedtimes and nap times are going to work, but I do know that we are going to need an extra dose of patience and lots of flexibility. Please pray for our family that the kids will be resilient and will tolerate life with little to no schedules. Also please pray that we will be able to get the kids down for naps as often as possible so that they will tolerate the trip well. I have a feeling sleep is going to be one of the biggest stressors that we encounter as a family. Thanks for your faithfulness to pray for our family. It is a HUGE gift.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter

It is hard for me to let today pass by without wishing you a Happy Easter. I was able to sneak away early this morning before the kiddos woke up to spend a few moments reading and reflecting on today...On the resurrection. I know that the suffering had to come in order for Christ to rise and conquer death, but this is such a beautiful and HUGE part of the story and for many years I simply missed it. I did not literally miss it, but I overlooked it. I did not realize the implications of a life free from death. I did not realize the implications that came with the Holy Spirit. I did not realize that the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is what has been offered to me, in me. That Spirit lives in me...what would happen if it was given full reign and TOTALLY able to unleash? I want to see Christ's power...it is available. It is available because of the victory that Jesus has already claimed! He is RISEN!

Here are a few pictures from Easter today





And this is what a typical picture of all three of my kids looks like.

We got busy and did not get to dye Easter eggs yesterday, so we squeezed it in today and did a late evening Easter egg hunt. I have a homemade version of the resurrection eggs so I hid those with the others and then we sat at the table during dinner and looked at the eggs and told the story of Christ's death and resurrection. The kids are truly interested in these moments when we stop and share with them our faith. I pray that they continue to have teachable spirits and that we respond by teaching and pouring into their hearts. It is so cute to hear their sweet voices talk about Jesus. I hope your family had a wonderful Easter Celebration.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Burdened

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, literally. I was overcome with this feeling of weight on my chest. I was burdened. I felt like this last night before falling asleep, but I thought it would pass and everything would be fine in the morning. It didn't pass. It isn't as if anything is wrong in my world. I mean we are all healthy, the bills are paid, and life should be just fine...so what is this?

On the way to take Aidan to school I started praying. I was asking my Father what this was, what is going on with me, why does everything feel so heavy? He answered me and this is what He said. I will refer you to this post I wrote a while back. At the end of it I shared a short prayer that says...Lord, forgive me for not being able to pray your Kingdom to come and really mean it. God is answering that prayer. He is opening my eyes to so much that I can barely stand it. I feel overwhelmed by what I am being exposed to. It seems like everywhere I look I see pain and disparity. I see lonely people looking for anything to make them whole. I see people desperate to push God away with anything they can get their hands on because He is simply too much. He is too much for us to handle in our sinful minds, He is too much. I see lost people doing it, I see the "church" doing it, and I see myself doing it.

God is showing me this...I can pray to see more of Him and He will show me more, but am I really ready for that. It makes me think of Moses and how the Lord told him he would only let Him see the back of Him as He was passing because Moses could not stand the weight of the unveiled Glory of God. And then the Israelites were also unable to look on Moses directly because the glory of God still shown upon him. They could not even handle the reflection from the back of my Lord. His glory shines brighter than my eyes can handle. His holiness is more pure than anything I can comprehend. It is just too much and I cannot handle it so I hide. I hide to protect myself from the pain that comes when He shows me my sin. When he shows me how unworthy I am to call Him Father. The closer I get, the longer I sit at His feet the less I feel worthy to do it. I can repeat the words...I am not worthy, I am not worthy, I am a man with unclean lips. That is who I am and my lips are not clean because my heart is not pure. He is Lord and He is full of mercy and I praise Him for that. It is only by His grace that I am justified.

But because it is just too hard to see myself this way, to see this world from His view I continues to hide. I hide by consuming myself with the things of this world. I hide by taking up hobbies and shopping and eating. I hide. None of these things are wrong in and of themself but when they keep me from seeking my Father they become wrong. When they keep me distracted from sharing the Lord with those around me they are wrong. Lord, I am getting the beginning glimpses of being able to honestly say...thy Kingdom Come, and soon! God, you are so faithful to answer even my halfhearted prayers!

So I am burdened...I am burdened by the fact that I get so consumed with stuff. I am burdened that the "church" in some strange way seems to secretly encourage materialism. Secretly encourage chasing the American dream. Secretly encourage early retirement and a life of luxury. I say secretly because we can't say it outwardly, but isn't it true. Isn't that what so many of us seek. Isn't that why I just spent over a $150 dollars to get my kids dolled out for Easter? Who is that for? Who does that glorify? Isn't that all about me? How many of us in the "church" did this? Please hear me say, I don't think this is wrong, it is just one of the many ways I get my priorities all mixed up and focus on the things that distract me from the Lord and Celebrating His resurrection.

I am burdened by the fact that my safety and security feel so easily threatened. Isn't that because I am not fully trusting Jesus? I am burdened by our culture and our consumption. Consumption of everything from food, to clothes, to people. We are consumers that is what we are good at. I am burdened by the fact that when people do decide to make a bold move for the Lord, that if it is a move that strips security and safety, that the greatest discouragement comes from the members of the church. I feel burdened that I live here and I have never really contemplated what my role should be in bridging the cultural and economic gap. And I am burdened that right now I sit here thinking maybe I should just delete this entire post because, well, because it is too much and I feel vulnerable even putting it out there.

God has led me to a place of feeling burdened so now I turn to Him and say Yes, I see it. Yes, I want to look away. I want to scream it is too much. I can't take it and what am I supposed to do with this. That is where I am, but because I know that He is Lord and He has revealed this to me I will choose to sit here, with this burden and ask Him what can I do? Reveal to me my role. Help me to see the next step that you are putting before me, because I feel compelled to do something. I will wait for you to show me where you want me.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mexico Monday

OK guys, I prepped you last week so now I am going to ask you to start praying. From June 6-13 my entire family (yes, the baby, the 2 year old, and the 5 year old...see we do need your prayers) will be on a mission trip in Metamoros Mexico. We are so extremely excited that the Lord has provided this opportunity for our family.

This week will you please pray about the curriculum that our team is creating (not that I am doing much more than praying also at this point, but I still am on the team). We have decided to use movie clips from The Lord of the Rings to provide a visual and then we will expand with biblical truths. Please pray that we will be led to things that will easily make sense to the kids that will be at VBS and that they will understand what we are hoping to teach them. That the message of Jesus Christ will easily transcend through the translators and the different culture.

Also, would you please pray for our family. One main prayer we have is that our eyes will be opened to the many ways the Lord is going to provide so that we can be fully able to praise Him. We pray that we are aware of Him on the trip and that our hearts respond by drawing close to Him, giving Him praise, and giving Him glory. We pray that Trace and I see this, but that Aidan and Rebecca will also get to see Him answer prayers and they will respond with grateful hearts. Thanks for taking time to lift this up before the Lord.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

More

The more I seek you
The more I find you
The more I find you
The more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming


These are the lyrics to a song we sang at church today. I sat at church this morning and my mind was trying to find the words to make sense of what I was thinking. I felt enveloped by God's presence. I sang this song and I was so overwhelmed because I meant it. I mean, for a long time I went to church and sang because, well, because that is just what you are supposed to do. Then eventually I reached a point that I was singing, but the lyrics were hard sometimes because I was not sure I really meant them.

Today I sang. I just sang, and my audience was not the other people in the room, but it was the Lord. I sang and I meant the words I sang. I know that the more I seek Him, the more I find Him. I know the more of Him I find the deeper I fall in Love with Him. I sat in church for a long time thinking that most of the people in that room were no different than me. That they were just singing because they were supposed to, or singing thinking they wished they believed the words, or maybe not, maybe they were scared too really believe.

I've been all those people. Some days still, I want so desperately to see Jesus, to be changed by Jesus, but I get a little afraid because I know He may actually do it. He may really change my heart. He may really ask me to be more than I am ready to be, to give up more than I want to give up. This is a beautifully written post that speaks to this same thing (but with much greater elegance than I can muster).

The sermon today was about what keeps us from sharing our faith. Our pastor came up with 4 points, all of them are valid, but two resonated especially with me. The four points are indifference, fear, skepticism(meaning other peoples skepticism of God and of hypocritical Christians), and discouragement from lack of results. The two that I know the most in my own life are indifference and fear.

For a long time it just did not matter to me where other people were spiritually. I have always enjoyed a good religious debate but most of the time I found people to be a bit extreme in their belief or they had the whatever works for you attitude. There was not really a happy medium that I could see. It did not really matter to me all that much because I believed that God was God and that if He was Lord and Creator of all then all roads must eventually lead to Him, and what about all the good people around me? I do not believe that anymore. I could believe that because I did not have any kind of biblical understanding of who Jesus said He was and who the bible presents as Lord. Jesus tells us their is no way to the Father but through Him (John 14:6) and He says that the road that leads to eternal life is narrow while the road that leads to death is wide and many find it(Matthew 7:13-14). Now, I also know that Jesus loves people! He desires for none to perish. The more I know the Father the more desperate I become for other people to know Him. The more time I spend with Him the stronger His heartbeat for this world becomes. Our pastor made the statement during the sermon that when people saw the Power of God they had to respond. They could no longer be indifferent. Wow! That hit me hard because I know it is true. I know God, I know that He is powerful, and I know that this knowledge has brought me to a point of no longer being indifferent.

This simple reality has caused me quite a bit of pain and discomfort...because I do care. The scab has been pulled off of my hard heart. I have been left open to the pain of caring about people and their salvation, of wanting to desperately share Him with those around me, but being paralyzed with fear, unable to move. That is a hard spot to be in and is one I am all too familiar with. What do I fear? I fear you, I fear rejection, I fear being vulnerable. The more I come to know Jesus the more I realize that nothing excites me quite the way He does. Nothing challenges me and changes me quite the way He does. Nothing gets under my skin and makes me tick quite the way He does. Nothing is capable of captivating my thoughts quite the way He does. Of course this is true...He made me, I made to know Him, to live for Him, to worship Him!

At this point in my life it is hard for me to share who I am without sharing who He is. I pray daily that I continue to become less and He continue to become greater. As I am transformed by Him, it gets hard to make sense out of who I am without sharing a bit about who He is. I did get a chance to write a bit about the Fear to Freedom women's retreat that I went to a few weeks back. Prior to the retreat I began to sense that the Lord had a message for me to hear. He did have a message for me. He wanted me to realize that He was become greater in my life. He was becoming more and that I was beginning to move from head knowledge to heart knowledge. I was beginning to really believe who He is. It was the same kind of experience I had today. One when I just knew, that I knew, that I know who He is. One when I got to sit in awe of who He is is and how He works. Another comment made in the sermon today was that maybe it is possible to be so engaged in faith that you don't even think about fear. Well, I am not to that point, but I am moving that direction. I realized that the past 5 years have been about teaching me how to really believe Him, how to really trust Him. Not just to say it, not just to sing it, but to believe it. Their really is a world of difference in that. He has been using different acts of obedience and seeking to prepare me to fall recklessly. Their is something I love about the idea of reckless abandon into Jesus' arms. When I am fully in His arms, I can rest no mater what the circumstance. When I am fully with Him I am free from fear because His perfect love casts out fear.

Fun, Fun, Fun (in pictures)

This past week was Spring Break so we had no school and no BSF. I had dreams of getting organized and getting my house in better order, but we threw that all aside for a little fun in this beautiful Spring weather. On Wednesday we went to Jumpin Jacks which is a play area full of jumpy houses and slides. Aidan and Rebecca had a great time. Thursday we met some dear friends at the Zoo and Friday we had our regular Friday play group at the park. Saturday morning our church hosted an Easter Eggstravaganza. They had a group come and do a slam dunk show and then had an Easter Egg Hunt outside. I guess you could call it a hunt, for lack of better words to use, but it was really a bunch of eggs laying in plain sight on a soccer field. It did not require a whole lot of hunting, but it was a great time! We have just finished up the weekend with the kids sing in church this morning for palm Sunday. Here are some pictures of all the fun.

At Jumpin Jacks

About to Slide

My Few Minutes of Freedom at Jumpin Jacks

With our friends at the zoo

The Easter Egg Field

On the run (as always)

Sweet Smiles

Song with Hand Motions

Waving the Palm Branch

And what Palm Sunday would not be complete without a palm branch fight right before the singing...Ahhh, good times.


video

Here is about 20 seconds of the singing performance. Enjoy!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mexico Monday (on Wednesday)

I just got an email about the Mexico Mission trip that our family is planning to go on in June. I will be doing VBS and Trace is still trying to figure out exactly what his role will be. He is wanting to go out and do some work with the medical team and to be out and about in the community, but he is also thinking about staying back to work with the kids at VBS.

I had requested to work with the younger kids (3-7) simply because I am most comfortable in this age group since this is the age of my kiddos. I just got the group assignments and this is where I will be. I am so excited, but every time I get excited I also get a bit anxious. I will be leading a group of Spanish speaking children through a time of discussion and response to a movie clip. Did you hear that right? They are Spanish speaking...it will require a translator. I have never needed a translator in my entire life. I am not sure how this will work and I am not sure how to work within attention spans of a group of kids who need a translator. Every time I even think about this trip I feel the need to pray. I am so thankful for that. Only the Lord can piece this trip together to make it effective. My heart is that these kids feel loved while we are there and that they will not feel human love but that they will experience the divine love of the Heavenly Father. These kids are orphans. They do not have their earthly parents but their Heavenly Father loves them beyond any kind of parental love that we can experience. I am praying that they know how deep and how wide the love of the Father is and that this will become more clear to these children.

I do want to ask you for prayer. I am thinking about doing a weekly blog post to ask for prayer for the trip. I am thinking Mexico Monday. So every Monday I will present a new prayer request for either our family, the other families on the trip, the kids at the orphanage, or the preparation and planning for the trip. I know that today is not Monday, but since I just thought up this idea I will ask for prayer today. I will update it with a new request on Monday.

So for today and the next few days would you pray that the hearts of the children at the orphanage be prepared to hear the message that the Lord has for them and for those of us working on curriculum will you pray that the Lord guides us so that He can teach the message He wants the kids to hear. Pray that we hear from Him and we eagerly follow where He is leading.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Invasion of the Giants

Lunch today was full of exciting conversation with the kids. First, we sang a few songs to practice for this Sunday when both Rebecca and Aidan will sing before the church. I am most excited, especially since this is Rebecca's first time to sing before the congregation. I got many corrections from my two year old for singing to fast or not doing the hand motions (that I don't really know and I am not 100% sure she knows them either, but she did try to teach me). It was cute and then somehow the conversation changed.

Out of no where we were talking about the giants who were going to invade our home, oh and there were bad guys too (because evidently these are not he same thing...but they are supposed to both produce fear from what I could gather). You would guess that my Aidan came up with this, but you would be wrong...it was all from the mind of Rebecca. After lunch was over Rebecca and Aidan snuck off tip toes and all to find the giant. They discovered him sleeping in Aidan's room. They had to "shhh, shhh, be very quiet" as they snuck past him and acquired light sabers and some other toy weapons. After I cleaned the kitchen, I joined them in the hall to hide and occasionally fight the dangerous invaders. We hid under blankets until someone felt the urge to get sneaky and take on the enemy. Rebecca would try to sneak by the bad guys to get her favorite blanket or some other item that she needed and she would look at me and say I need your help, but shh, be very quiet. Aidan would run off to defend us a Rebecca would whisper "be cawful Aidan". It was a really cute game and I loved watching the creativity come out. I snuck into my bedroom fending off the 10Darth Vader's to grab my camera and snap a few pictures.

Our Mighty Defender

Mrs. Bossy Giving Directions



The Boys Hiding

And who does not need some pretend ice cream to eat when they are hiding from the Giant?

It was a fun morning of make believe, but we soon learned it was not all pretend. Our home had really been invaded by some type of monster. First we found the organizational giants mess. In a moment of insanity every piece of the kids possibly too small clothing in this house was pulled out to be gone through and tried on, resulting in something that looked like this


We also had a run in with the laundry giant. Here is the clean



and this is the dirty




Maybe one day this week the house will be put together again (Loud Sigh).

Monday, March 10, 2008

A Whole New World

It is official. We have moved into a new stage of life...I am a soccer mom. We had so much fun yesterday at Aidan's very first soccer practice. It was so cute to watch them practice things like dribbling the ball and doing throw ins. The coach was really good ( which translates to extremely patient). He had 3 rules: 1. You have to smile to be let on the field 2. You must have fun and 3. You say yes sir and no sir when you talk to your coach. I think those are pretty good guidelines. He even said that he wants to pray with the boys before and after the game, just to instill that value into the kids. This is city soccer so I find that pretty impressive. Here is a picture of my little man at practice.



Needless to say we are pretty happy with our first impression and we are looking forward to many many laughs to come.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The Baby has Polka Dots

We are stuck at home once again. Rebecca explained to Aidan yesterday that we would once again have to miss BSF because Andrew had polka dots. Yes, polka dots and no I did not let my 2 year old draw on the baby. Andrew has had a reaction to the antibiotic that he is on for his ears. He broke out from head to toe in this awful rash.

He is not really sick, but would you want your kid around him? So we will stay at home for another day and hopefully these polka dots will start to disappear. It has been one thing after another for these kids of mine. Our pediatrician even commented that we should get an RV and hook it up to a power source outside the clinic. Health is just around the corner, I can just feel it.

Sweet Mercy

Over the past several days I have been thinking a lot about my friend and her loss. I keep having Isaiah 61:1-3 come to my mind over and over. It says

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Saturday night a friend and I arrived in Dallas. We went by the hospital and saw our friend and then went to a hotel room for the night. I could not sleep. My mind would not stop running so I grabbed my bible and headed to the bathroom. I just started reading. I have read this scripture many times, frequently in relation to greif and loss so I thought of it and I read it. I started praying for the Lord to redeem this event over time and to do just what the scripture says...to give her a crown of beauty, to grant the oil of gladness in her heart, and to clothe her in praise instead of despair. The next line says they will be called oaks of righteousness. What comfort I found in that, line. Oak trees are large, they are firmly planted and their roots run deep. I prayed this for her.

I began to reflect on my own journey and walk through the loss of our baby. His name was Trevor. He was my first introduction into motherhood. With him I experienced intense love and intense loss. His life was not in vain, the Lord used this time. The Lord changed the direction of my path. He changed the desires of my heart. He showed me how small I was and how desperately I needed my Lord, a God much bigger than the one I knew. He set me on a path of learning to trust Him, learning how to surrender to Him.

Through Trevor the Lord taught me about love and about loss. He taught me about future expectations, expectations not fulfilled. He taught me how fragile life is. But more than anything He taught me about the Lord's goodness. He taught me about a God who is always present, who gives me the strength to go on even when I doubt it is possible. He taught me about a God who remains close even when I doubt His goodness, which is the very nature of who He is. So even when I doubt Him, He remains. He taught me how to stand up under the weight of the world. And in the end, He showed me how He could take this loss and He would bestow on me a crown of beauty, the oil of gladness, and a garment of praise.

I can no longer look back with even a hint of bitterness, but rather with nothing but praise on my lips. As a result of Trevors life I began a journey that lead me to the feet of my Savior in ways I had never experienced before. When Aidan was born the Lord used him to break me once again. I got the message that Aidan was His child, His creation, and he was my gift. A gift from the very hands of the Lord...that is what I had been given. I had a new since of responsiblity and I was terrified to move. I was overwhelmed by the job of mother so again, I was sent to my Saviors feet. He has a funny way of keeping me on my knees and I am so thankful for that. As the Lord continued to heal me He taught me about joy, true joy that cannot come from my husband, or my kids, but only from His hand. Don't get me wrong...my husband and kids are both a source of much joy, but they cannot be my ultimate source of joy, that only comes from Him. God has even been so gracious to redeem the day that I delievered Trevor. In His sweet mercy, He allowed me to deliver Rebecca on that same day 4 years later. That day no longer has a scent of mourning, but rather the oil of gladness...a celebration of life. I did not realize how significant that was for me until this past week. I knew and it was special, but I now treasure that display of God's mercy.

My heart is truly broken for my friend. I greive with her for her loss and the suffering she will endure, but I know hope! He is our hope. He will give her the oil of gladness, a crown of beauty, and a garland of praise just like He has for me.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

In an instant

Isn't it crazy how in an instant your whole world can change. In an instant, fortune can be dropped in your lap. In an instant, the bottom can fall out. All it takes is one instant.

I am sitting here, trying to make sense out of what one of my very dearest friends is going through, right now. Right this instant. I can't. It doesn't make sense! I don't have any answers. I can't make it better, no one can. She simply has to walk, one foot in front of the other. She can stop for a moment, but she can't stop forever. She must keep walking, but how do you take those steps?

How do you go home to a nursery, full of clothes and blankets, diapers and lotions, and every other thing a baby could ever want. More than a baby can ever need. More love than can be given. How do you do that when your hands are empty?

I lost a baby when I was 18 weeks pregnant. It is the deepest kind of empty I have ever felt. It is the deepest pain I have ever walked through. God has blessed me with an abundance of joy since that time...more than I could have ever asked for. I can declare that He is faithful and He is good. Even when the entire world is upside down, He is still the same. He does not change, He does not shift. When nothing else makes sense I can rest in who He is.

Maybe I represented hope when I sat in the room and cried with her. Maybe I represented strength, a person on the other side who can testify that she will get through. Maybe I represented comfort for her as I hugged her and prayed for her. But I pray that I represented Love, even when Love is hard and doesn't make sense. For He is Love and that does not change. Please keep praying for my dear friend. Pray for every step of the process.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Please Pray

I just got a phone call from a friend that one of my best friends from HS lost her baby at 36 weeks. She is getting induced tonight. Please, Please LIFT HER UP IN PRAYER! She and her husband need the comfort of the Lord. I don't know how you walk through this, but I know the Lord will carry her. Please pray for all sorts of comfort, peace, and the Lord's goodness to shine through even during this time. I am going to the hospital to see her in the morning. Pray for His spirit to be with me as I talk with her and her family. Pray that I will be sensitive to her requests and that I will be able to help in any way possible, that I will be attuned to the Spirits leading. Thanks for Praying!

Fashion Diva

The girl has been in rare form the past week or so. She is still the same just more of it...more sass, more girlishness, more attitude, more cuteness...you get the idea. This morning she insisted on wearing a dress, just like most days for the past week. She got her dress on, her new hair accessories, and her jewelry she wears everywhere and declared that she was a princess. Aidan had slept in a bit so he was eating breakfast at the table and Rebecca decided he needed to get dressed (he can't wear his pj's all day) so she ran to his room and found him something suitable to wear. She proudly brought him his clothes for the day, which he did not want to wear (probably just because she picked them out I am sure). I found it super amusing and told Trace she was picking out his clothes. He responded by telling me that she had already informed him he needed to get a new shirt rather than the one he was wearing. Who is this fashion diva? I can't help but laugh about it.

Well, I better go. Gotta get the kids in and out of the tub. We have a popcorn and movie engagement in the living room starting pretty soon. Happy Saturday!