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Friday, March 28, 2008

Sledge Hammers and Chain Saws

My backyard looks like a tornado touched down. It is a disaster! Last weekend we looked for some patio furniture that we have been wanting/planning to buy for about 9 months. We knew we wanted to get some for this summer. We ran in at Lowe's and they were already out of what we wanted. I told my husband we probably needed to look at Home Depot soon and go ahead and buy what we had found that we liked a few months before. He responded with "well, lets go". So we did and we bought a patio table and 6 chairs. This is how the chaos began. We called my baby brother, Greg, to bring his truck and help us get this all home.

On the care ride home Trace and I began discussing our plans for the backyard. It went something like this...
Trace: I guess we can put this table and chairs in the grass until we can rip out the screened in back porch and the uneven stone porch (that was all here when we bought the house) and get some cement poured (we plan to get a cement porch extension added on to the house).
Christa: How are we going to tear out the stone porch? Do we need to rent some equipment...like a jackhammer?
Trace: Maybe we could do it with a sledge hammer? Maybe that old man down the street (as we have affectionately named him, but we do know his family calls him Papa Penn) has one and I can try and see how hard it will be.
Christa: I can ask him, he is always willing to let us borrow his stuff.
Trace: Maybe Greg would want to do it? He doesn't have a job right now does he?
Christa: I can always ask him and see if he wants to. Hey look, their outside (meaning that old man). Do you want me to ask him now and when Greg gets here we can let him give it a good whack and see how hard it will be?
Trace: Yeah, go ask.

A few hours and a little bit of sweat results in the screened in porch being torn down and the stone porch beaten out with the sledge hammer and stacked in a pile. We loaded up Greg's truck and sent him off to the dump to dispose of the mess.

We also had 7 Crate Myrtle trees in a semi-circle surrounding this uneven water collecting mess of a porch. Trace has wanted to cut them down since we moved in. Well, today we said goodbye to the Crate Myrtles. Our neighbor brought out his heavy duty chain saw and Trace and he got busy. They are literally lying on the ground exactly where they dropped them. Greg is coming again tomorrow to help us cut them down and dispose of them. We also still have some of the mess from last week that we could not get in the truck. In the middle of this Trace has been working on putting together a swing set for the kids that is still not complete. This is the brilliant way we plan at our house. I will make a mental note...whenever sledge hammers and chain saws come out we are NOT going to see how much work it is going to be we are beginning the chaos, ready or not.

Now if we could just determine the best way to get rid of the stumps left from the trees...then the demolition would be complete and we could move on to fun things like getting the concrete poured and putting together the patio furniture. I am even beginning to dream about entertaining in the backyard while the kids play and we fire up the grill. One day the craziness will be worth it...one day.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mexico Monday

There has been constant banging and thumping over my head today. I even thought at one point that the roof may fall through. We are getting our roof replaced and since I did not know they were coming today, I did not make plans to be out of the house. To my amazement both Rebecca and Andrew have been able to successfully take a nap. So other than me loosing all sanity (not that there was much left to loose) I think we are going to survive just fine.

I am not sure how coherent my thoughts are going to come out amidst all the noise but, today is Monday and you know that means I will be asking for your prayer for the mission trip that our family is taking to Metamoros, Mexico in June. The housing is community living and all the girls will be in one room and the boys on another. That means that Myself, Rebecca, and Andrew will be on one side and Aidan and Trace will be on the other side. I am not at all sure how bedtimes and nap times are going to work, but I do know that we are going to need an extra dose of patience and lots of flexibility. Please pray for our family that the kids will be resilient and will tolerate life with little to no schedules. Also please pray that we will be able to get the kids down for naps as often as possible so that they will tolerate the trip well. I have a feeling sleep is going to be one of the biggest stressors that we encounter as a family. Thanks for your faithfulness to pray for our family. It is a HUGE gift.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter

It is hard for me to let today pass by without wishing you a Happy Easter. I was able to sneak away early this morning before the kiddos woke up to spend a few moments reading and reflecting on today...On the resurrection. I know that the suffering had to come in order for Christ to rise and conquer death, but this is such a beautiful and HUGE part of the story and for many years I simply missed it. I did not literally miss it, but I overlooked it. I did not realize the implications of a life free from death. I did not realize the implications that came with the Holy Spirit. I did not realize that the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is what has been offered to me, in me. That Spirit lives in me...what would happen if it was given full reign and TOTALLY able to unleash? I want to see Christ's power...it is available. It is available because of the victory that Jesus has already claimed! He is RISEN!

Here are a few pictures from Easter today





And this is what a typical picture of all three of my kids looks like.

We got busy and did not get to dye Easter eggs yesterday, so we squeezed it in today and did a late evening Easter egg hunt. I have a homemade version of the resurrection eggs so I hid those with the others and then we sat at the table during dinner and looked at the eggs and told the story of Christ's death and resurrection. The kids are truly interested in these moments when we stop and share with them our faith. I pray that they continue to have teachable spirits and that we respond by teaching and pouring into their hearts. It is so cute to hear their sweet voices talk about Jesus. I hope your family had a wonderful Easter Celebration.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Burdened

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, literally. I was overcome with this feeling of weight on my chest. I was burdened. I felt like this last night before falling asleep, but I thought it would pass and everything would be fine in the morning. It didn't pass. It isn't as if anything is wrong in my world. I mean we are all healthy, the bills are paid, and life should be just fine...so what is this?

On the way to take Aidan to school I started praying. I was asking my Father what this was, what is going on with me, why does everything feel so heavy? He answered me and this is what He said. I will refer you to this post I wrote a while back. At the end of it I shared a short prayer that says...Lord, forgive me for not being able to pray your Kingdom to come and really mean it. God is answering that prayer. He is opening my eyes to so much that I can barely stand it. I feel overwhelmed by what I am being exposed to. It seems like everywhere I look I see pain and disparity. I see lonely people looking for anything to make them whole. I see people desperate to push God away with anything they can get their hands on because He is simply too much. He is too much for us to handle in our sinful minds, He is too much. I see lost people doing it, I see the "church" doing it, and I see myself doing it.

God is showing me this...I can pray to see more of Him and He will show me more, but am I really ready for that. It makes me think of Moses and how the Lord told him he would only let Him see the back of Him as He was passing because Moses could not stand the weight of the unveiled Glory of God. And then the Israelites were also unable to look on Moses directly because the glory of God still shown upon him. They could not even handle the reflection from the back of my Lord. His glory shines brighter than my eyes can handle. His holiness is more pure than anything I can comprehend. It is just too much and I cannot handle it so I hide. I hide to protect myself from the pain that comes when He shows me my sin. When he shows me how unworthy I am to call Him Father. The closer I get, the longer I sit at His feet the less I feel worthy to do it. I can repeat the words...I am not worthy, I am not worthy, I am a man with unclean lips. That is who I am and my lips are not clean because my heart is not pure. He is Lord and He is full of mercy and I praise Him for that. It is only by His grace that I am justified.

But because it is just too hard to see myself this way, to see this world from His view I continues to hide. I hide by consuming myself with the things of this world. I hide by taking up hobbies and shopping and eating. I hide. None of these things are wrong in and of themself but when they keep me from seeking my Father they become wrong. When they keep me distracted from sharing the Lord with those around me they are wrong. Lord, I am getting the beginning glimpses of being able to honestly say...thy Kingdom Come, and soon! God, you are so faithful to answer even my halfhearted prayers!

So I am burdened...I am burdened by the fact that I get so consumed with stuff. I am burdened that the "church" in some strange way seems to secretly encourage materialism. Secretly encourage chasing the American dream. Secretly encourage early retirement and a life of luxury. I say secretly because we can't say it outwardly, but isn't it true. Isn't that what so many of us seek. Isn't that why I just spent over a $150 dollars to get my kids dolled out for Easter? Who is that for? Who does that glorify? Isn't that all about me? How many of us in the "church" did this? Please hear me say, I don't think this is wrong, it is just one of the many ways I get my priorities all mixed up and focus on the things that distract me from the Lord and Celebrating His resurrection.

I am burdened by the fact that my safety and security feel so easily threatened. Isn't that because I am not fully trusting Jesus? I am burdened by our culture and our consumption. Consumption of everything from food, to clothes, to people. We are consumers that is what we are good at. I am burdened by the fact that when people do decide to make a bold move for the Lord, that if it is a move that strips security and safety, that the greatest discouragement comes from the members of the church. I feel burdened that I live here and I have never really contemplated what my role should be in bridging the cultural and economic gap. And I am burdened that right now I sit here thinking maybe I should just delete this entire post because, well, because it is too much and I feel vulnerable even putting it out there.

God has led me to a place of feeling burdened so now I turn to Him and say Yes, I see it. Yes, I want to look away. I want to scream it is too much. I can't take it and what am I supposed to do with this. That is where I am, but because I know that He is Lord and He has revealed this to me I will choose to sit here, with this burden and ask Him what can I do? Reveal to me my role. Help me to see the next step that you are putting before me, because I feel compelled to do something. I will wait for you to show me where you want me.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mexico Monday

OK guys, I prepped you last week so now I am going to ask you to start praying. From June 6-13 my entire family (yes, the baby, the 2 year old, and the 5 year old...see we do need your prayers) will be on a mission trip in Metamoros Mexico. We are so extremely excited that the Lord has provided this opportunity for our family.

This week will you please pray about the curriculum that our team is creating (not that I am doing much more than praying also at this point, but I still am on the team). We have decided to use movie clips from The Lord of the Rings to provide a visual and then we will expand with biblical truths. Please pray that we will be led to things that will easily make sense to the kids that will be at VBS and that they will understand what we are hoping to teach them. That the message of Jesus Christ will easily transcend through the translators and the different culture.

Also, would you please pray for our family. One main prayer we have is that our eyes will be opened to the many ways the Lord is going to provide so that we can be fully able to praise Him. We pray that we are aware of Him on the trip and that our hearts respond by drawing close to Him, giving Him praise, and giving Him glory. We pray that Trace and I see this, but that Aidan and Rebecca will also get to see Him answer prayers and they will respond with grateful hearts. Thanks for taking time to lift this up before the Lord.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

More

The more I seek you
The more I find you
The more I find you
The more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breathe
Feel your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in your peace
It's overwhelming


These are the lyrics to a song we sang at church today. I sat at church this morning and my mind was trying to find the words to make sense of what I was thinking. I felt enveloped by God's presence. I sang this song and I was so overwhelmed because I meant it. I mean, for a long time I went to church and sang because, well, because that is just what you are supposed to do. Then eventually I reached a point that I was singing, but the lyrics were hard sometimes because I was not sure I really meant them.

Today I sang. I just sang, and my audience was not the other people in the room, but it was the Lord. I sang and I meant the words I sang. I know that the more I seek Him, the more I find Him. I know the more of Him I find the deeper I fall in Love with Him. I sat in church for a long time thinking that most of the people in that room were no different than me. That they were just singing because they were supposed to, or singing thinking they wished they believed the words, or maybe not, maybe they were scared too really believe.

I've been all those people. Some days still, I want so desperately to see Jesus, to be changed by Jesus, but I get a little afraid because I know He may actually do it. He may really change my heart. He may really ask me to be more than I am ready to be, to give up more than I want to give up. This is a beautifully written post that speaks to this same thing (but with much greater elegance than I can muster).

The sermon today was about what keeps us from sharing our faith. Our pastor came up with 4 points, all of them are valid, but two resonated especially with me. The four points are indifference, fear, skepticism(meaning other peoples skepticism of God and of hypocritical Christians), and discouragement from lack of results. The two that I know the most in my own life are indifference and fear.

For a long time it just did not matter to me where other people were spiritually. I have always enjoyed a good religious debate but most of the time I found people to be a bit extreme in their belief or they had the whatever works for you attitude. There was not really a happy medium that I could see. It did not really matter to me all that much because I believed that God was God and that if He was Lord and Creator of all then all roads must eventually lead to Him, and what about all the good people around me? I do not believe that anymore. I could believe that because I did not have any kind of biblical understanding of who Jesus said He was and who the bible presents as Lord. Jesus tells us their is no way to the Father but through Him (John 14:6) and He says that the road that leads to eternal life is narrow while the road that leads to death is wide and many find it(Matthew 7:13-14). Now, I also know that Jesus loves people! He desires for none to perish. The more I know the Father the more desperate I become for other people to know Him. The more time I spend with Him the stronger His heartbeat for this world becomes. Our pastor made the statement during the sermon that when people saw the Power of God they had to respond. They could no longer be indifferent. Wow! That hit me hard because I know it is true. I know God, I know that He is powerful, and I know that this knowledge has brought me to a point of no longer being indifferent.

This simple reality has caused me quite a bit of pain and discomfort...because I do care. The scab has been pulled off of my hard heart. I have been left open to the pain of caring about people and their salvation, of wanting to desperately share Him with those around me, but being paralyzed with fear, unable to move. That is a hard spot to be in and is one I am all too familiar with. What do I fear? I fear you, I fear rejection, I fear being vulnerable. The more I come to know Jesus the more I realize that nothing excites me quite the way He does. Nothing challenges me and changes me quite the way He does. Nothing gets under my skin and makes me tick quite the way He does. Nothing is capable of captivating my thoughts quite the way He does. Of course this is true...He made me, I made to know Him, to live for Him, to worship Him!

At this point in my life it is hard for me to share who I am without sharing who He is. I pray daily that I continue to become less and He continue to become greater. As I am transformed by Him, it gets hard to make sense out of who I am without sharing a bit about who He is. I did get a chance to write a bit about the Fear to Freedom women's retreat that I went to a few weeks back. Prior to the retreat I began to sense that the Lord had a message for me to hear. He did have a message for me. He wanted me to realize that He was become greater in my life. He was becoming more and that I was beginning to move from head knowledge to heart knowledge. I was beginning to really believe who He is. It was the same kind of experience I had today. One when I just knew, that I knew, that I know who He is. One when I got to sit in awe of who He is is and how He works. Another comment made in the sermon today was that maybe it is possible to be so engaged in faith that you don't even think about fear. Well, I am not to that point, but I am moving that direction. I realized that the past 5 years have been about teaching me how to really believe Him, how to really trust Him. Not just to say it, not just to sing it, but to believe it. Their really is a world of difference in that. He has been using different acts of obedience and seeking to prepare me to fall recklessly. Their is something I love about the idea of reckless abandon into Jesus' arms. When I am fully in His arms, I can rest no mater what the circumstance. When I am fully with Him I am free from fear because His perfect love casts out fear.

Fun, Fun, Fun (in pictures)

This past week was Spring Break so we had no school and no BSF. I had dreams of getting organized and getting my house in better order, but we threw that all aside for a little fun in this beautiful Spring weather. On Wednesday we went to Jumpin Jacks which is a play area full of jumpy houses and slides. Aidan and Rebecca had a great time. Thursday we met some dear friends at the Zoo and Friday we had our regular Friday play group at the park. Saturday morning our church hosted an Easter Eggstravaganza. They had a group come and do a slam dunk show and then had an Easter Egg Hunt outside. I guess you could call it a hunt, for lack of better words to use, but it was really a bunch of eggs laying in plain sight on a soccer field. It did not require a whole lot of hunting, but it was a great time! We have just finished up the weekend with the kids sing in church this morning for palm Sunday. Here are some pictures of all the fun.

At Jumpin Jacks

About to Slide

My Few Minutes of Freedom at Jumpin Jacks

With our friends at the zoo

The Easter Egg Field

On the run (as always)

Sweet Smiles

Song with Hand Motions

Waving the Palm Branch

And what Palm Sunday would not be complete without a palm branch fight right before the singing...Ahhh, good times.


Here is about 20 seconds of the singing performance. Enjoy!