A Favorite Tradition

I just took down our annual Thanksgiving Tree. For the last three years we have made a tree from sticks and paper leaves and we write the things we are thankful for on the leaves at dinner on the days leading up to Thanksgiving. Then I take down our tree and copy everything onto a piece of paper that I keep. It is one of my favorite family traditions that I hope to continue for many years to come! This year the kids felt a need to list as many things as they could think of, which was great, especially since Thanksgiving snuck up on me and we only had three nights to do our leaves. Here are some of my favorite things that were mentioned (there are many more but I will only bore you with a few):
My list included hearing Aidan and Rebecca sing songs to God, the kids laughter and smiles, the new addition to our family this year (Andrew), and Aidan's newly discovered artistic ability.
Aidan is thankful for his family, himself, the oldest member of our family, our money (aka daddy's job), Andrew laughing, UNO, Jesus, and meat and cheese sandwiches (Like father like son).
Rebecca is thankful for going pee pee and poo poo in the potty, PB&J, Pink and purple, the stars, Daddy, Aidan, Andrew laughing, Mimi, Papa, Gran, and Bob (did you notice whose name is not on the list because I did), and a cookie (my kind of girl). She also spontaneously transferred the idea of thankfulness to prayer and insisted I write that Becca prays for Andrew, Becca, and Aidan to obey mommy and daddy. I thought that was sweet because when we pray we give thanks to God so it made perfect sense to her to pray for them.
And Last was daddy's leafs which, are always my favorite. He is thankful for competitive Uno, Cinderella's who wake up early, Aidan's "awesome God", and eyes that stay blue. Sweet Huh? I hope you all had a very Happy Thanksgiving! We have so many gifts, I cannot name them all.

Baby Dedication

This past Sunday was baby dedication Sunday at our church. We have never participated in a baby dedication with any of our children so we decided that we wanted to dedicate all three of them. It was a really sweet time for me. Mimi (my mom) was able to come and be a part of this special day for our family which meant a lot to me. The church put up a picture of the kids on the big screen. I told you in a previous post that it is so hard to get 3 kids to look and take a decent picture so above is the one we used. We tried and I probably took close to 40 pictures and this is the best we got? Oh well, they will all be older one day.
Anyways, back to the point. The kids each got a small bible with their names on it and Aidan and Rebecca just ate that up. Rebecca was especially excited because her bible was pink. The purpose of the baby dedication is to offer our children back to God, after all He is their Creator. He was just gracious enough to allow me to be a part of the process. It is also a time for us to commit to raising them in the knowledge of the Lord and for the congregation to commit to supporting and praying for us during the process. All this got me thinking back over the years and the way that God has changed my heart. He is Good, all the time!
The couple people who read this are probably familiar with my story, but this time has made me want to reflect a bit. So here goes...I went to Texas Tech for college, largely because it was far away from home and I had some need to prove my independence or something? While I was there I saw how weak I was. I was partying at every chance I got. It took me a while to make close friends and for the first time in my life I struggled with knowing who I was and I began asking all those life questions. Ultimately I felt empty. As I sought something deeper, something bigger, God began to lead me to Him, however distorted my view of Him was. He is so good to meet us where we are and carry us until we can meet Him face to face and begin to be changed. I had been a church going christian as a kid, but I guess the foundation was not solid and I questioned everything. I would say I was pretty close to the belief that all roads lead to heaven, because there is only one God. I never denounced Christ but I was not following His teachings or placing my faith in Him. I might as well have denounced Him because I was basically saying His death on the cross was insignificant. Who am I to say such a thing, and yet God still loved me and still guided me. His grace overwhelms!
I did look for something spiritual. I quit drinking and I prayed to God. I used some devotionals that taught spiritual principles, but I did not read my bible and I did not really know Jesus Christ.
While I was at school I met Trace who would become my future husband. We started dating. He became my best friend. We spent much of our time together and we got engaged on Christmas Day in 2000. One month later we found out that we were pregnant. That threw a huge kink in my plans. I was going to graduate in May and I had just taken the LSAT and was planning to go to Law School. How could I have a new baby and go to law school? Trace still had another whole year of school, how was this supposed to work? We started going to the doctor and I got excited about this life that was growing in me. Yes it messed up my plans, but I begin to believe that it was going to be OK. I believed that God was part of creating this baby so He would provide.
We got married on April 7th. On April 13th I was in the hospital to deliver the baby that we lost. I was 18 weeks along though they said the baby measured to be about 15 weeks. I was angry! How could a loving God allow this to happen? Was this some kind of sick game? But again God was good. He allowed me to cast my anger on Him. I do not believe that it was the right response, but it was my response. I vividly remember praying and saying, Look, I am mad at you and if I thought I could get through this on my own believe me I would try, but I know I am weak. I need you to carry me through this. It was this huge point of surrender! I quit trying to fight Him.
I do not know why the circumstances of life happened the way they did. I am not sure I know all the reasons God allowed this pain in my life, but I do know that He used this. He changed my heart, he changed my plans, He changed my goals. I said above I wanted to be a career woman, but now I wanted nothing more than to have a family. I never expected to be a stay at home mom, now I desired desperately to have babies and be at home with them. About 9 months later I was pregnant again with Aidan. Trace still was in school but would graduate soon and we were hoping he would get a job and I could stay at home with the baby. When it came time for him to look for work the market was low and he had trouble finding a place to work. He was offered a job here in Tyler, against my wishes to never live in Tyler again, he accepted and we moved to Tyler. We had Aidan and God used this teeny little baby to break me into pieces. I became overwhelmed with the knowledge that this was God's child and I would be held accountable to Him for the way that I raised him. I wanted Aidan to know Jesus Christ and to have a real relationship with Him. I had know idea how to aid in the process of making this happen. I was lost, so I sought Him hard. I prayed for Aidan and I asked God to teach me. I fell before the King and I told Him, I can't do this. If I am going to be the mother to one of your most precious children you are going to have to show me how. I am lost, I am afraid to move. Teach me. Lead me. Again, God is Good, all the time! He loved my offering of brokenness! He loved the fact that I surrendered and gave myself to Him to be taught.
I very quickly learned that my kids would never buy into this God thing if I didn't buy into it 100%. If I did not live authentically before my kids then they would never be able to live authentically. My prayers shifted to being more about changing me and less about my kids at all. I had to be changed. To be made into a new creature. God is doing that! He is faithful! I pray to see how much He loves me. To know Him intimately. I have to know Him if I am going to teach my children who He is. As I have gotten a taste of God, I want more. I want to live and breath Jesus! I always want to seek Him more. I pray that He never lets me loose my focus. That he always points me to Him. After all, He has been Lord in every step of this process! He is Good all the Time!
I think about Trace and myself. I think about the fact that we were two young foolish kids when we met, yet God had His hand on us. We have done so many things wrong by most standards, but God still loved us back to Him. We were pregnant when we got married, we did not go to church and we did not desire to. We were lost in many ways. We did not know better. God is teaching us. He is full of Grace, Love, and Mercy! He is good all the time! It blows me away to look back and see how God works. Is He alive and active? I see Him working everyday. The fact that we are active members of a church did not happen because of us, it was Him. The fact that we pray with our kids did not happen because of us, it was Him. The fact that we are seeking to train our children in the knowledge of the Lord did not happen because of us, it was Him. We are not model Christians, we are sinners who desperately need God's Grace, as much now as in the past. He is faithful to give that to us. He is good, all the time!

Maybe this explains why this was such a special day for me. I feel like we have already dedicated our children to the Lord, but this was a chance to do it publicly. We realize they are His and we (to some degree) realize what a mighty job He has given us. He has asked us to raise them, to train them, to shepherd them. They are such a special flock. I thank God for them daily!


Aidan checking out his new bible.
Becca and her new pink bible.
The family
Daddy and Andrew

Doctor's Office

Just saying the words Doctor's office makes my stomach knot up a little. It is not on the top of the list of my favorite mommy duties, that is for sure. So yesterday it was Andrew's turn to go in for his 6 month check up. Can you believe it? 6 months already? Well it was a crazy visit. His appointment was at 3:30. We sat in the waiting room until nearly five. We were then brought into the small dr's room, to wait again. Fun times already!

The nurse came in and did weight (he is 18 lbs.!! HUGE BABY) and all the stuff they do including list of questions to ask. She ran through her questions and asked if he could sit up on his own for a few seconds, to which I responded No, He pretty much falls straight over and then I proceeded to sit him up to show her. First of all, she really did not care! It was way too late on a Friday afternoon, but then what did he do. He put his little, chubby, dimply hands on his legs and he sat up for about 5 seconds. Are you kidding me? These are the types of experiences I have with baby number 3. I really do play with him, although not knowing he can sit up is kind of a big deal. Poor guy!

Finally at 6:00, our Dr. entered. Now he is a great doctor, but he is one of those people that he is so smart that he is a little eccentric. With it being 6:00 on a Friday, he was a little off (even for him). He did his little exam and made a few strange comments (which I have grown to expect from him), but this time I think he was exhausted and he forgot to sensor some of them. He told me "I know what a normal baby looks like and I know what a normal adult looks like, I just hope this one doesn't make you crazy in the process of getting from one to the other?" Now what is that comment designed to do? Is that supposed to encourage me? Then a few minutes later he looked at Andrew and said "Now, that is a big head" to which I replied "Did you just say my baby had a big head?". I could not help but laugh. I was so surprised that he said that. It is a good thing that I am not all that easily offended, but I was shocked. Now for those of you who are nodding in agreement that Andrew has a big head I will have you know that he checked it and it is in the 25th percentile, while his weight and length are both 50th percentile. So actually he has small head.

After this adventure at the dr's office we finally left and I got home about 6:30. I really did not feel all that frustrated, but something happened to me when I walked in the door. We were supposed to run an errand that I really did not want to run and I walked in the door to find everyone, but me having some type of enjoyable day and none of them were ready to go. Something in my composed, got it together self snapped and I turned into mean mommy. Rushing the kids around to get dressed and shoes on, sighing in frustration, and getting them in the car. Then I proceeded to whine and complain for about 5 minutes. Finally, I just shut my mouth and closed my eyes until I could regain control. I have actually used the old phrase if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all with my kids. Many times it is mommy that needs the refresher. Thankfully my kids and my husband are quick to forgive and the whole evening was not a total disaster.

Parenting Thoughts

I recently finished a class at our church on the book Shepherding a Child's Heart. We have read the book before, but it was definitely and opportune time for a refresher. After finishing the class and the book, I purchased Don't Make Me Count to Three and I have gotten pretty close to finishing it as well. It has been helpful and I love gaining the insight that others have on biblical parenting. I do not think that there is one absolute way to parent but Trace and I have chosen to use the bible as our guidelines in parenting. The bible has so much to say about our attitude and heart issues. What better source is there than God's word.
So for the past few months we have doubled our efforts on addressing the heart issues of the kids based on what the bible has to say about them and using biblical language when we discuss these heart issues.
In Don't Make Me Count to Three the author addresses the need to correct sinful behavior with positive behavior. We cannot simply say that is wrong and not show them or teach them what is acceptable to do instead. That leads to the reason for this blog entry...I have been using the word servant lately when I am talking to Aidan and Rebecca. We talk about how they often come from a selfish heart and attitude when they argue over getting their way and we have been looking for opportunities to serve one another. I am seeing some fruit from this. Today, Aidan asked Rebecca to play cars, she said no, so he said what do you want to do. She said play Uno and he agreed at which point he turned to me and said see I am being a servant, I am playing Uno even though that is not what I want to do. At first I was excited and my heart swelled a bit. You may even say I felt a little prideful, until a few minutes later Aidan sought out another opportunity to give of himself and again he announced how servant like he was. This happened a third time within 15 minutes. It sure teaches me of the power of praise, but also the desire to please man. How do you praise your children and encourage positive behavior without teaching them to do things with the motivation of pleasing man and not to please God, or is this teaching them behavior that is pleasing to God? I feel like I am walking the parenting tightrope. I have to be careful to not lean too far either way. I know that I catch myself doing things at times that are more strongly motivated by the desire to please/impress others rather than to obey God and please Him. It is natural for our kids to want to please us, but at what point are we teaching our kids that they exist to make mommy happy. That is not what I believe at all. I want them to experience my unconditional love, that is not dependent on doing right or wrong. If you have any feedback I would love to hear it.

A FEW CUTE THINGS FROM THE MIND OF REBECCA:
1. The other day we were driving down the street and Rebecca said look mommy, it's a Dr. Firetruck (Rather than an ambulance).
2. Last night we were outside and Rebecca looked up in the sky and said with amazement, look mommy God made more stars!
3. Joy lights up in Rebecca's face when she announces that there is pink in the sky and pink is my favorite color (during sunsets).
I desire to be this easy to please and amaze!

Details, Details

This weekend we went to visit my brother and his wife for my nieces birthday. Lynsey just turned 5 and she celebrated by having a HS Musical party. She came as the star of the show, dressed up as Gabriella (I think that is her name). The kids danced around to the music some but mostly they just played. Above is a picture of some of the kids from the party and then below are a few of the kids hanging out after the party in the back yard. After the party was over we got to hang out and eat dinner with family. My parents and my sister were all there and it was nice to just sit together and relax.
Lynsey and Aidan are about 3 weeks apart and they play together well and for the first time this trip the two year olds, Rebecca and Lauren, seemed to notice each other. However, Lauren is still pretty independent and likes to do her own thing and Rebecca is much more concerned with the big kids. For some reason she seems to think she is big.



We got back late Saturday night and went straight to bed, so on Sunday we checked the mail and we got a letter that said our insurance company has denied our claim for Andrews helmet for the second time. It is frustrating because he meets the criteria on paper. He measures within their measurements, but they are saying the pictures are not good enough I guess? Who knows, but we will have to appeal the claim once again so possibly in another 30 days we will have another answer. We have also received some pretty major hospital bills from my delivery of Andrew that the insurance company is refusing to pay and the hospital is saying they mispayed. So they are fighting that out and we are stuck waiting with a large bill wondering what we are supposed to do. Please pray with us over this if you think of it. Insurance issues are just not fun and we do not want to get all caught up in the stress of this. My prayer is that once we do our part that we can simply rest in God and that we will not worry or obsess about this. We know He is our provider!!! We have to trust Him with this. I seem to think with certain things in life I can handle it on my own, but I get frustrated and discouraged and wonder why. It is always because I did not trust God. I choose to trust! I choose to not let worry take over! God will provide! He is Good. He does not promise that things will not get hard, but He does promise to always be with us. He is the God of my salvation, the Lord God Almighty! What better place is there to rest?

Move Over Kids...Momma's Moving Back In

This summer was the summer of many disasters (or would the more spiritual term be trails). We had car trouble and decided we needed to by a new car (enter the minivan stage of my life and I LOVE IT!). Our Hot water heater needed to be replaced. We had plumbing problems (some of which we have yet to fix). Our AC went out in the middle of August in Texas for 3 WEEKS (talk about disaster)!!! When we finally got someone out to replace the unit that is in the attic, they lost their footing and fell through the ceiling in the garage. Luckily no one was injured, but we had insulation in all sorts of strange places and a hole for several weeks. Finally the air was fixed, the hole was repaired (and the guy who did the dry wall left an even greater mess), and life was back to normal.

Except for the fact that somewhere in this process the garage door came partially off the track and we thought for a moment that the new mini van was stuck inside the garage. We got the door up, back on the tracks, and moved the van out of the garage until we could get someone out to fix it (which is one more thing on the to do list). With the van out of the garage the kids had free reign and they gradually took over the entire thing with their ride-ons and bikes and I was left wondering what a nice and tidy garage looked like? How did we ever fit everything in here with the car and how in the world will we ever find the time to clean up all this insulation and dry-wall remnants? SIGH!!!

Well, today was the day! Small victory, but a sweet victory for me. Today, Trace took Aidan to school, I fed Becca and Andrew and we headed outside with the mega saucer for Andrew to play in. He got tired and I gladly put him and bed and continued working right until time to get Aidan from school. We all piled in the beloved minivan and picked him up. When we got home we had lunch, cleaned up the table, and headed back outside for a few more hours of playtime for the kids and work time for mommy. I finished the garage and moved the mama mobile back into the garage. At which point it was time for nap (thank God for naps). The kids took a nap, I took a bath. AHHH! Victory and time for relaxation! Such a sweet day.

This may not seem like much to many of you, but I can always tell the state of chaos in my life by the state of chaos (or stuff) all over my house. For the past several months, it has been chaos!!! We may not have a perfectly clean house on the inside, but I can always choose to sit in the garage and taste the sweetness of the small successes in my life. Today...Life is Good!

Just Because

I have spent the past several days thinking about the way it felt to receive our dinner treat this past Saturday. If you do not know what I am talking about you can read the entry below, but I will quickly recap...Trace and I went to dinner and one of the guys he works with, Wade, saw us and picked up our tab. He was gone before we even knew. We were simply told we owed nothing. We couldn't argue, object, or even say thanks. We simply had to accept and do nothing in return. So I have been thinking, why is it so hard to accept a gift like this?
As I pondered I had 2 other scenarios come into my mind in which I was blown away by the kindness of someone else! Times when I really felt uncomfortable just accepting the gift I had been given. One of those was this summer when we received a package from some missionary friends of ours (yes, Maggie and Josh if you are reading, I am talking about you). It was a table runner and place mats from Africa where they are. I would not expect it was a huge financial cost to purchase them, but I felt unworthy. I mean we are supposed to support, encourage, and pray for them. They are not supposed to do things for us. It wasn't Christmas time or any other special occasion. Why would someone do that for me? The other situation is when a group of ladies I worked with at the Grace counseling center took me to lunch as my last day approached. They also surprised me with a baby gift (I was pregnant with Andrew). I was not expecting a gift of any kind. I was embarrassed. I did not know how to receive it graciously and part of me just wanted to return it. Why does this go against every part of my nature? Why do my insides want to deny the gifts that I know I don't deserve? What are these gifts that are so hard to accept? They are gifts of grace.
It's the Wade's of this world who pick up your tab, just because. It is the missionary friends who send you a gift, just because. It is the women of this world that God surrounds you with who give you a baby gift, just because. Asking nothing in return, not because they have to, or even because they are expected to, but just because. It is the man on a cross who poured out His blood to cover my sin while I am still a sinner so that I may taste eternal life. Not because He had to, definitely not because I deserve it, but because of who HE is. These are the gifts that are hard to accept.
Grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
grace, grace, God's grace,
grace that is greater than all our sin!
Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see his face,
will you this moment his grace receive?
(Most of you probably recognize this popular hymn...I stole a few parts)
Were these small, simple acts of kindness and love? To some people they would be, but to me they are divine acts sent by my Heavenly Father to teach me of His Grace, His Might, His Sovereignty, and His Goodness. Lord, I will rest in your Grace. I accept your Grace. I praise you for the blood that was poured out on my behalf. It is available...just because.